MELVINDALE

ABANDON HAUNTED HOUSE

19400 Allen Road, Melvindale, MI 48122

(734) 444-3041 or (734) 250-7206  or www.PlayAtlantis.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - SHIVER ME TIMBERS / OF GOOSE BUMPS & THRILLS & CHILLS

Last year this haunt earned Honorable Mention in the only category awarded which was SUPERNATURAL CERTIFIED SCARIEST HAUNT OF THE YEAR AWARD.

Yeah, yeah Zioptis...that's all impressive sounding...but what does it mean?

SUPERNATURAL CERTIFIED means there's clearly documented evidence besides someone just saying that so-and-so happened. Also, this evidence must be witnessed by others not directly connected to the haunt. (The prime example last year was THE REALM OF DARKNESS with the congregation of a major downriver church (Metro City Church in Taylor) being shown by its pastor video footage out takes of his message where an unknown spirit loudly knocks on a door.)

And since then, there's been even more spooky occurances at ABANDON...REAL scary stuff...but we're not spilling the beans on this one. Maybe if you ask the operator pretty please with a cherry on top...

Yeah, yeah Zioptis...we get all that...but what about the show?

In a word, KILLER!

The haunt has been expanded with lots more goodies this year, and all the actors were spot on hitting cues flawlessly. That alone can make or break a haunt, regardless of how much eye candy or expensive props they may have.

That said, we did see some cool new things here. Our favorite was an angel that suddenly brightly appears on your left. She was absolutely...WEIRD!

STRONG POTENTIAL TO BE A LEGEND IN THE MAKING!

PONTIAC

THE REALM OF DARKNESS

37 Turk Street, Pontiac, MI 48341

(248) 338-0029 or www.TheRealmOfDarkness.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - WILD, WILD WEST COMES TO PONTIAC MEGA HAUNT IN NEW TRIPLE BANGER SHOW

The new show starts in the brand new DEAD SOULS CORRAL, which is a highly authentic old west town complete with villains and bad guys in character from the era. It's a whole different feel, and builds the complexity of the experience in a most delicious way. We loved it!

A PSYCHEDELIC STUNNER

From there you make your way to a display worlds away from the old west, as you don your 3D glasses for the HOUSE OF NIGHTMARES 3D. This is brand new artwork by industry leader STU SMITH, and only the REALM has it.

The main haunt starts with a short video presentation, during which you are invited to sit in comfortable chairs. That's a really nice touch, considering that people may have been on their feet for quite some time by that point.

OFF-THE-HOOK ATTENTION TO DETAIL

From there, the journey plunges you into so many different scenarios, it's mind-boggling! A medieval feeling permeates much of your trip, and the makeup and costumes are fantastic.

This haunt is so well thought out... nothing is left to chance...they hit all the bases...it's hard to imagine a more complete haunt experience!

The sets are second to none, and the sound and lighting are superb throughout. If you have not seen this haunt yet, you need to go ASAP as this haunt has been sold and is moving to Mississippi!

Many authentic antiques are part of the displays, and are widely considered to be a source of throughly documented paranormal activities here.

A SWAN SONG NOT TO BE MISSED - AVOID DISAPPOINMENT AND FUTURE REGRET - GO NOW!!!

SOUTH ROCKWOOD

WOODS OF DARKNESS

11665 Haggerman, South Rockwood, MI 48179

(248) 413-9647 or www.woodsofdarkness.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - SECRET MILITARY VOODOO EXPERIMENT DISGUISED AS FOREST HAUNT

It's a forest haunt without a hayride. Don't worry, you won't miss it at all. They use trucks, as you'd expect at a military facility run by mad scientists proven to be insane.

And they're lousy drivers too. But not to worry...until we saw a chamoflaged large military truck heading straight for us! Brace for collision...there's no seatbelts...nobody warned us about this...oh, maybe they did...who actually reads those SILLY DISCLAIMER STATEMENT SIGNS they put up at haunt entrances anyways? haha

No really...if you read the fine print, it basically says they're right and you're wrong... if you're silly enough to complain about monsters attacking you and having their fun at your expense. Isn't that the very purpose of going to a haunted house anyway?

The monsters GOT US BUT GOOD at this haunt, and a thousand lashes with a wet noodle on us for taking so long to check out this excellent outdoor/indoor haunt! They've been here for ten years, and have a strong following and community presence that should ensure a lengthy run. The setup is just too perfect!

After a truck ride far into the woods, you're dumped off to live or die as you make your way through various building and paths cleared out through the densely populated forest.

This haunt has a built in ambience advantage, and they take full advantage of it! A TOP-NOTCH PRESENTATION.

TAYLOR

THE SCREAM MACHINE

23131 Ecorse Road, Taylor, MI 48180

(734) 309-0756 or www.TheScreamMachine.net

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - HAUNT ROARS BACK WITH NEW SHOW

After a brief hiatus, THE SCREAM MACHINE resumes its' status as a long-time premiere Downriver haunt destination.

The strip mall on Eureka they were in 2 years ago was demolished, but that's okay. The new location is even better, with easier access and lots of room.

The waiting area remains the same, which is to say it's fabulous! Ominous back-lit windows adorn the walls, but they're opaque so you have to wonder just who and what is in the "rooms" behind them.

The initial HELLEVATOR sequence is excellent. It's split into two parts and features a fabulous Goth girl that pops out of nowhere.

Then a black hole jump starts your journey into a demented doctor's paradise, in search of new patients willing to submit to their ghastly experiments. Don't do it. Oh what the hay it's a haunted house go ahead... but of course as usual nobody is responsible except YOU for having the guts to go in this crazy place  to begin with!

It's a new set up with a new show but some of the best from the past is still in place. One standout favorite is the giant glowing eyes emanating from within a creature embedded into the wall.

But best of all the actors were all spot on, and hit their cues perfectly. Great makeup and mannerisms throughout.

The wild girl with a black-and-white checkered dress near the end was the icing on the cake for us. Her body language and speech don't match up at all. She talks like a little girl, but her demeanor screams voluptuous vixen all the way! haha

I was tempted to tell her she had to stop hitting on me, and that I'm a super innocent virgin and that she simply must not think of ravishing me. But there's no use pouring gas on the fire, so I let it go.

There's lots more, but for now all you need to know is that THE SCREAM MACHINE is indeed doing its stated purpose...sending people out the exit screaming!

And by any measure that spells big success for THE SCREAM MACHINE, back in action again and just as well-oiled as ever.

TOLEDO

HAUNTED PLANET EXPERIENCE

1030 West Alexis Road, Toledo, OH 43612

(419) 360-5689 or www.hauntedx.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - TOLEDO'S NEW MEGA HAUNT DELIVERS THE GOODS IN SPADES

This isn't just a TRIPLE BANGER HAUNT, it's also a MINI MUSEUM of authentic scary movie pieces of all sorts on display. They were somehow able to get the ORIGINAL MOVIE MOLDS for masks and such from classics like KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE and CRITTERS. And this is all before you even get in the haunt...

NEW FOR 2016! This is from the crew that ran the HAUNTED PRISON EXPERIENCE in Mansfield, Ohio for 15 years. They really know what they are doing, and can be rightfully proud of their newest creation.

IT'S A MONSTER, and yet just a baby striking out into the unsuspecting world of hapless haunters seeking bigger and better thrills and chills every year. HAUNTED PRISON EXPERIENCE DELIVERS THE GOODS, IN SPADES!

This haunt is positioned to dominant the Toledo haunt market, and has an even better location set up for next year.

A BIG WINNER!

WESTLAND

HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION

34043 Ford Road, Westland, MI 48185

(734) 502-6026 or www.HushDetroit.com or www.facebook.com/hushdetroit

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 -  HUSH GOES VIRAL IN A VERY BIG WAY

No, it's not Donald Trump's latest 3 AM Twitter meltdown.

It's what happens when crazy doctors and incompetent medical personnel are left in charge of large quanities of virus samples. What kind of viruses, you may ask?

Oh, just your garden variety death-bringers...got your Bubonic Plague, got your H1N1...better be careful with all that, right? WRONG! The storage bin is in a most precarious position...what's wrong with these doctors anyway? Are they insane? Or just prone to causing epidemics at random...or even worse, on purpose?

These questions, and many more, will go unanswered because the weirdos here are on a mission...that does not include explaining the madness that is HUSH! You need to find that out for yourself.

One new HUSH performer instantly cast a spell on us that we were powerless to resist. MERIT weaves her magic on multiple levels to fabulous effect. She's exotic and mysterious, but not exactly human! Even better, Merit customized her wacky banter on the spot when we mentioned Zioptis icon Candy Fishalot. TOP FLIGHT ACTING.

This haunt is experiencing great success...because it's a great haunt!

Side note: This is one of only three haunts that we attended with a special guest we had in town from New York. This was our first stop. Afterwards, our guest was so flabbergasted,  he doubted any other haunt could ever be as impressive as Hush Haunted Attraction!

Way to go, Hush! You did us proud, and nailed the coffin shut BIG TIME for our BIG APPLE VIP!

WYANDOTTE

SIN HAUNTED HOUSE

3131 Biddle, Wyandotte, MI 48192

(734) 288-7024 or www.fb.me.wyandottejayceeshauntedhouse.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - GOVERNMENT GONE BONKERS / POLITICIANS GO INSANE!

No, not the kid using the media as a selfie stick.

We went to SIN on the final night which was Halloween Night, and also their BLACKOUT NIGHT. Each group is given a small flashlight, because it gets "rather dark in there!"

But here's the deal - the lighting projectors, strobes, etc. have already been removed (to keep on schedule for demolition of the building). So this is a way to still have haunting on Halloween, which we wish all haunts could observe in years where it falls on a day other than the weekend.

This means it's totally up to you to light the way, as well as the goblins, vixens, and such. A totally unique dynamic emerges, with YOU lighting the props to see, as well as creating your own actor reveals by the placement of the flashlight.

An impromptu back-and-forth with the monsters follows the timing of the only light available... from the flashlight the fearless leader of your group wields.

YPSILANTI

KRAZY HILDA'S TRAIL OF TERRORS - PANAMA FARMS

10340 Ford Road, Ypsilanti, MI 48198

(734) 550-2001 or www.KrazyHildas.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - ARTFUL MADNESS SERVED UP FAMILY STYLE

This an outdoor haunt that has heart and soul, as it's been largely created from home-made spooks and decorations. The result gives an artistic flair you'll never get from commercial props. This is totally a one-of-a-kind haunt, so the experience is unique to this place and they always DELIVER THE GOODS!

The forest setting provides virtually unlimited possibilities. The variety of scenes and hiding places for monsters are limited only by their twisted imaginations, and of course their ability to pull it off.

One unique thing we really like about this haunt is the crazy doors you're often required to find yourself.

HILDA'S SLAM DUNKS IT

The last scene features a metal monstrosity of a farm implement that has been re-purposed to fabulous effect. While you're left to marvel at its' giant imposing presence, the final assault preparation takes place in secret before being unleashed to send haunters screaming into the crisp autumn air.

Inexperienced haunters may find themselves spontaneously relieved of bodily fluids and/or solids. Krazy Hilda's is not responsible for any and all resulting social embarrassment. Thank you.

HILDA'S SENDS EM' SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER

When we arrived at Hilda's, we were witness to some great eye candy...but not the kind that sparkles and shines or blows up.

A really big, bad ass looking guy and his girlfriend were walking back to their car and the guy was really shaken up...FOR REAL! We asked him what they did to him, and he said quite matter-of-factly, "They knew all my fears exactly somehow...it pushed all my buttons and I just totally freaked!"

WAY TO GO, HILDA'S! YOU NAIL THE COFFIN SHUT...AGAIN AND AGAIN!

YPSILANTI

NIGHT TERRORS at WIARD'S ORCHARDS

5565 Merritt Road, Ypsilanti, MI 48197

(734) 390-9206 or www.HauntedHouseMichigan.com

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2016 - LONG-TIME INDUSTRY LEADER NAILS IT!

Wow, there's just so much to do here! And it's ALL good...wait, make that KILLER!