Home

HAUNTED HOUSE HOTLINE

 A free public service from the

ZIOPTIS FOUNDATION in Detroit, The Haunted House Birthplace of the USA.*

WELCOME TO THE ZIOPTIS FOUNDATION HAUNTED HOUSE HOTLINE, your insider fast track to the HOTTEST HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS in Michigan and the whole nation! We attend as many haunts as possible each year, and post reviews that are archived for future reference.

Our mission is to give you an authentic feel of what each haunt is like, but without giving away too much. It's a challenge we're up to, because we don't want to spoil the experience for you!

Don't think of us as judges, but as storytellers. Every haunt has a story, and we'll bring it to life right here. It's almost like going to a haunted house without going to a haunted house!

You'll also find info on off-season haunt events as well as alternative entertainment, so stay tuned. Stuff like fireworks displays in the winter, free concerts, and where to see amazing automated Christmas light displays.

WE ARE INDEPENDENT AND NON-PROFIT. The website has large type and is dial-up friendly for maximum accessibility to all. Localities appear in red for easy identification. And the original, one and only Free ZIOPTIS DIAL-A-TRIP that started the ball rolling in 1986 is still available 24/7 at (313) 274-1111.

History - in the mid-90's, we started adding stories at the end of the Dial-A-Trip episodes in October about the coolest haunted houses we went to. So much interest was generated that in 1998 the decision was made to start a separate service, and the ZIOPTIS HAUNTED HOUSE HOTLINE was born!

* = To our knowledge, the very first haunted attraction in the USA was MUTILATION MANSION in Detroit suburb MADISON HEIGHTS, MICHIGAN which began in 1966. Disney’s Haunted Mansion debuted in 1969, and Knott’s Berry Farm haunt started in 1973. If anyone can provide evidence of an earlier haunt, please email us at ZioptisFoundation@gmail.com

ZIOPTIS PHOTOSTREAM: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/

NO ADVERTISING! NO COOKIES! JUST THE GOODS._____________________________________________________________________

MAY 1, 2024 WEDNESDAY 3 PM - THE BIG ULTIMATE NOTHING

All day long, things demand your attention. Listen to this, look at that, react to this, ignore that...blah blah blah...

Continual stimuli eventually takes its’ toll and it’s time to jump into the Arms of Morpheus, the god of sleep.

A dark, quiet room is what you need. You can turn off the lights, but what if you can’t turn off the noise?

Whether it’s thin apartment walls or the neighbor’s kids garage band, some sounds can’t just be shut off. So what do you do?

COMING NEXT - BEING WRITTEN

Now posted - the latest statistics list detailing 45,480 hits for the last period:  http://www.zioptis.com/html/archive_33.shtml

APRIL 30, 2024 TUESDAY 5 PM - CIRQUE ITALIA FREEBIES FOR KIDS

Just spotted this primo deal for world class entertainment sure to please the whole family. CIRQUE ITALIA will be at FAIRLANE TOWN CENTER in DEARBORN MAY 16 - 19. Adult tix are not free, but well worth the price. ONE FREE CHILD PER PAID ADULT in Levels 2 and 3, use PROMO CODE FACEFREE online.

https://gold.cirqueitalia.com/events/1076_Water-Circus-Gold-Unit-Dearborn-MI

Here’s some shots from their 2022 show: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/72177720300900927/

We plan on taking this in, we went twice last time they were in town!

APRIL 30, 2024 TUESDAY 2 PM - BIG NUMBERS, BIG HEADACHES & MILLIONS OF LITTLE JOYS

The record breaking numbers are in for the DETROIT NFL DRAFT: 775,000 attendance and $165 million influx!

THE DEVIL IN THE DETAILS

But the whole thing almost came to a screeching stop, with only two hours to go until they opened the floodgates into Hart Plaza on opening day last Thursday.

And if you have a haunt you’ll especially appreciate how the powers that be must have felt...

At the security headquarters, a large staff of workers was monitoring the vast system of VIDEO CAMERAS. Any problem could be pinpointed in real time, and the closest officer dispatched to deal with it.

FLYING BLIND

But things went from HUNKY DORY to OH NO! in a flash, as every video cam in the network suddenly went dark. A worst case scenario.

LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING

MAYOR DUGGAN took quick action, calling the AT&T CEO and explaining the dilemma.

Quicker than you can say “JACK ROBINSON” a crew was dispatched from AT&T Headquarters Downtown Detroit to Hart Plaza.

LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

They began a system wide analysis, and quickly identified the problem. A different phone company was doing work in the area, and mistakenly cut the main FIBER OPTIC CABLE running the video network.

The splicing technicians had the system up and running in short order, allowing the original schedule to go on with the public unaware there was any difficulty.

Whew! Let’s hear it for the original, real telephone company AT&T

APRIL 28, 2024 SUNDAY 2 PM - DETROIT WOWS THE WORLD, AGAIN

About a million people from all over the world came to Detroit for the much ballyhooed NFL DRAFT, and the reviews are overwhelmingly positive.

It was great to see MAYOR DUGGAN at the microphone, announcing a player THE DETROIT LIONS were selecting.

MAYOR DUGGAN has done so many positive things for Detroit that he keeps getting reelected. I saw one report recently about blight reduction, showing the demolition of abandoned house #6,000 with still more to go.

Downtown Detroit was shining brightly as over 275,000 filled the main area, breaking previous NFL records. An estimated $160 million was injected into the local economy.

In short, just like the MICHIGAN HAUNT SCENE the Detroit NFL DRAFT is a GIANT WINNER! 

APRIL 27, 2024 SATURDAY 12 NOON - A BETTER MOUSE TRAP

“Build a better mouse trap, and the world will beat a path to your door” is what smart guy Ralph Waldo Emerson said many moons ago.

That’s sort of what DETROIT MAYOR DUGGAN did with downtown Hart Plaza as a hub for the NFL DRAFT Thursday thru Saturday.


Day One attendance record: over 275,000 NFL FANS show up at HART PLAZA! Entrance closed much sooner than anticipated.

https://www.clickondetroit.com/sports/2024/04/27/detroit-shatters-all-time-nfl-draft-attendence-record/

APRIL 26, 2024 FRIDAY 1 PM - TAYLOR SWIFT & DETROIT BREAK WORLD RECORDS, AGAIN

The Guinness Book of World Records needs to be updated, because the world just can’t get enough of our Official Unofficially Adopted kid sister TAYLOR SWIFT and the incredible haunted attractions of DETROIT.

Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have arrived in Detroit because THE SCREAM MACHINE, DERANGED HAUNT, and AWAKEN are having off season events.

Okay, maybe it’s actually something to do with football.

Yup. Sure is. Never mind.

APRIL 19, 2024 FRIDAY 2 PM - TAYLOR SWIFT DECLARED PRESIDENT AS ORANGE GUY IS KICKED TO THE CURB

Some nut job just lit himself on fire outside the New York Court where what’s-his-name is on trial.

But nobody cares, because PRESIDENT SWIFT just dropped her new double album “THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.” The SWIFTIE ARMY is celebrating their Commander In Chief’s return to the TOP OF THE BILLBOARD CHARTS. https://www.theringer.com/music/2024/4/19/24135012/taylor-swift-1830s-tortured-poets-department-new-album

This is where we want our beloved kid sister to be, in the limelight because of music and love.

We still aren’t buying her records. But we will defend her to the end like a bully big brother.

APRIL 18, 2024 THURSDAY 5 PM - PUNCH DRUNK MIKE TYSON REVEALS DARKEST AI SECRET

MIKE TYSON? Isn’t he the guy who bit the ears off his opponent in a gory display never before seen in what many say is the most violent sport on the planet?

His brain has likely turned into jello, after thousands of blunt trauma impacts of high intensity on his frontal lobes. Sort of a full blown lobotomy, except without the hospital, doctors and such.

What in the world does MIKE TYSON have to do wit AI, and why does it matter to the world of haunted attractions?

In short order, you’ll understand as MIKE TYSON explores the ghoulish possibilities that could arise when Artificial Intelligence surpasses human intelligence. Really? MIKE TYSON? Sorta. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntuzVdZGghk

APRIL 18, 2024 THURSDAY 4 PM -  AI IDENTITY CRISIS SMACKS YOU IN THE FACE

COMING SOON!

APRIL 18, 2024 THURSDAY 3 PM - RABBIT JUMPS OUT OF THE HAT

Did you know that Michigan is widely considered to be the MAGIC CAPITAL OF THE WORLD?

COLON, MICHIGAN is home to ABBOTT’S MAGIC COMPANY which is host to the annual MAGIC GET TOGETHER: https://magicgettogether.com/schedule.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbott%27s_Get_Together https://abbottmagic.com/

We’re finally going to this for the first time this year, we can’t wait!

APRIL 7, 2024 SUNDAY 2 PM - SO NEAR AND SO FAR

Haunt operators across the nation are busy designing new shows for next season. Some of this involves shuffling around of existing scenes and props, and some is brand new goodies from TRANSWORLD last month: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vftuhoNZm5g

And then there are haunts that design and make their own new gags.

Let’s say you’re one of these ambitious haunts, and are designing original artwork to establish a certain spooky feeling for the new room. Perhaps it will be projected, made into giant wallpaper panels, or even 3D printed.

Maybe you have STU SMITH on your speed dial. Or like the former owner of JACKSON’S UNDERWORLD, your son has become a wizard at SPOOKY 3D ARTWORK.

But if not, some of you will probably use AI art generators to create the EXQUISITE SCARY IMAGERY you have in your twisted mind. Having a twisted imagination is a must, but realization can be a challenge. Features like MAGIC PROMPT with IDEOGRAM can help, but you need your own prompts to get started.

AI can be finicky, requiring many attempts until you’re satisfied.

Even so, many times we’ve found that one last detail isn’t right. So it’s “back to the drawing board” and more time wasted. Until now, that is...

DALL - E has added a new fine tuning feature sort of like the Content Aware Brush Healing function on Photoshop. You can fix a specific part of the image, leaving intact the good parts. AI WORKSHOP takes you through the process: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxFSied7dnI  

MARCH 31, 2024 SUNDAY 1:30 AM - NEW HIT LIST POSTED

The latest hit list detailing 40,083 hits over the last period has been added to Archives 33: http://www.zioptis.com/html/archive_33.shtml 

MARCH 31, 2024 SUNDAY 1 AM - BUTTER CHICKEN & CHOCOLATE BUNNIES A GO-GO

Happy Easter everyone! If you’re a Christian, today is THE SUPER BOWL of spiritual events and religious observances. Christ is risen and it’s time to celebrate the biggest gift ever!

Of course holidays are also a time for culinary excellence at family dinners, but that means somebody has to do the dishes.

Yuck. Forget that.

Or you could go the easy route, and visit a famous elegant dining room that sports THREE giant spectacular chandeliers and world class ethnic gourmet cuisine to die for.

It’s PUNJAB INDIAN CUISINE at 36071 Plymouth Rd. in Livonia: https://www.facebook.com/punjabcater/  They have a buffet with over 40 items, so come hungry! Event runs from 11 AM - 9 PM.

We went last year and it was exceptional. It’s $24.99 and a bargain considering the amazing variety of truly top notch gourmet cuisine prepared by people that barely speak English. It’s the real deal super authentic, and the BUTTER CHICKEN will melt in your mouth!  Talkie: (248) 622-5489

Even better than the convenience of letting top level chefs do the work, this is some of the healthiest food you can put in your body.

Turmeric is a spice they use, and has been shown to have many positive effects on the brain. My partner feeds her dogs a food supplement containing turmeric and they eagerly devour it literally to the last drop!

To our knowledge, PUNJAB is the biggest Indian restaurant in Michigan! Many moons ago, JOEY’S COMEDY CLUB was in this building.

We’ve mentioned this before, but NO we still have no direct connection with this restaurant.

MARCH 30, 2024 SATURDAY 3 PM - MOVIE INDUSTRY FIRED / HOLLYWOOD DECLARED OBSOLETE

Let’s say you’re an aspiring film maker, toiling on a killer script for a HOLLYWOOD MOVIE. You met with a local film director for a casting session, and ended up rewriting her movie and then decided to write your own movies.

You bought FINAL DRAFT to have your script conform to Hollywood standards. Despite its high price, it keeps crashing and you lose countless hours of work. You end up buying FADE IN screenwriting open software instead, and it’s awesome. Better yet it’s way under the $200 you’ll shell out for FINAL DRAFT. https://www.fadeinpro.com/

Now, how do you get your movie made?

If you have a high profile entertainment industry contact and have included her in the script, getting her excited about the movie should help.

On the other hand, hundreds if not thousands of others also have such connections and will never see their efforts land on the SILVER SCREEN.

So you could spend years trying to make it happen, and have nothing to show for your efforts.

Or, you could just push one BIG RED BUTTON that’s been added to CLAUDE: https://claude.ai/chats  https://claude.ai

Just load in your entire HOLLYWOOD FORMAT SCRIPT, and CLAUDE will take care of everything! Scene creation, voice overs, music, the whole kit and kaboodle. So how good is it? We don’t know, yet!

But just the chance to do something like this is a game changer.

So who will be the first haunted attraction to make their own spooky movie using AI?

A spooky movie was already made conventionally by the now defunct HAUNTED HILL ACRES in BELLEVILLE. It was an artistic success, but it never got the recognition it deserved as it flopped and bankrupted them. Despite the dismal result, we salute HAUNTED HILL ACRES for their bold efforts.

We just heard that MADONNA is using AI generated video backgrounds at her concerts. Many major shows feature amazing dramatic videos, often with dazzling fractal geometry sequences.

Created by conventional means, these elaborate productions are labor intensive and costly. Forget that.

It seems like a logical choice for haunted attractions to use the powerful AI tools practically begging you to use them. Push some buttons, spin some dials, make it happen!

MARCH 30, 2024 SATURDAY 2:30 PM - GIVING YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATION FREEDOM TO FLY

Here we go again, blabbering about the supposed latest and greatest OPENAI generator SORA. It’s not even available to the public yet, but beta testers have been gleefully posting some startling realistic depictions of impossible stuff. https://openai.com/sora

One of the most amusing examples we’ve seen is SHY KIDS - AIR HEAD which is first in this compilation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwgJc5gP_tc

AIR HEAD is but one example of bringing impossible stuff to life. “The sky is the limit” truly applies here. If you can think of it, AI will be happy to render it into convincing visuals. Here are some more possibilities: SORA - 14 NEWEST HOT EXAMPLES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lhucjIBa5E  

MARCH 30, 2024 SATURDAY 2 PM - BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Many moons ago, we packed up my brother’s band equipment into the family station wagon and drove to Michigan Avenue in Dearborn to a music store for a “Battle of the Bands.”

I think it was Meyers Music, which was the smallest of the music stores on Michigan Ave. in Dearborn. There was also Wonderland Music, Hewitt’s Music, and Grinnell’s as I recall.

***Local sidebar: Ron Henry Music also in Dearborn was on Ford Road, and was where I bought my ZICKOS clear drumset. Also, Anderson Music was on Ford Road.***

It was a friendly competition among local musicians and a real big deal. Each band tried to outdo the others, much as some haunted attractions do.

Battle of the Bands is gone now, but there remains a major public arena where certain groups are trying their best at beating the competition.

Can you guess what it is?

Politics.

I know, I know...like at the big Thanksgiving Day Dinner there are two things NOT to bring up if you want to keep the peace: religion and politics right?

You don’t want to upset CRAZY UNCLE BOBO or whoever... forget politics and instead tell them about the amazing adventures you went on last fall at the WILDEST HAUNTED HOUSE YOU EVER SAW. Really? What was that like?  Please pass the Brussels sprouts and I’ll tell you all about it!

MARCH 29, 2024 FRIDAY 1 PM - FISH TO THE RESCUE FOR THE LAST TIME

I can’t believe it. When growing up, the Weyands were our next door neighbors on Shady Hollow in Dearborn and they had two fish stores in Dearborn and Wyandotte.

WEYAND FISHERIES is closing, and tomorrow is their FINAL DAY: https://www.freep.com/story/entertainment/dining/2024/03/04/wyandotte-weyands-seafood-retail-store-will-close/72844643007/

BOO HOO! This has been our longtime source of the BEST SMOKED FISH you’ll ever taste, just like going UP NORTH to the U.P. More later, I’m on my way there now for WHITEFISH & SALMON.

MARCH 23, 2024 SATURDAY 8 PM - ATTENTION QUEEN FANS

Now showing on TV20 WMYD in DETROIT - FREDDIE MERCURY: THE FINAL ACT, a 2 hour documentary.

We’ve been QUEEN FANS since the first self-titled album...cutting edge drum tones from producer Roy Thomas Baker...and of course the soulful searing vocals of Freddie Mercury.

MARCH 14, 2024 THURSDAY 4 AM - HAUNTED JOURNEY BACK IN TIME

We’ve been diligently keeping our eyes open for AI VIDEOS reminiscent of haunted attractions, willing to travel to the ends of the earth and beyond if need be. Persistence is a virtue.

And so it is that we present this gem made with MIDJOURNEY by MarsTraveler. It reminds us of THE REALM OF DARKNESS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hmoy4-IIWk4

MARCH 13, 2024 WEDNESDAY 6 PM - NEVER MIND

Already? Yup, forget all about SORA which is still delayed. They could be obsolete even before public release, thanks to MorphStudio and STABLE DIFFUSION 3.

MORPHSTUDIO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd6Q5k4yTiw

STABLE DIFFUSION 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiyGW1tCMOA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FST6wqz5s5Y

MARCH 13, 2024 WEDNESDAY 3 PM - HOUSEKEEPING

The main page filled up again yesterday, so some content at the bottom of the page has been moved to Archive 42.

Also, in case you didn’t know there’s an EAST COAST TRANSWORLD CONVENTION: https://www.facebook.com/EastCoastHaunters

MARCH 13, 2024 WEDNESDAY 3 AM - WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

Last night the AI ART SCENE changed the world forever again...like four or five times at least. Yawn...

First GOOGLE, not to be outdone, quietly dropped GEMINI and LUMINERE promising game-changing paradigm shifts to astound you.

But then the SORA demos blew away virtually everything else: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU1gMloI0kc https://openai.com/sora Alas, public release is still unknown: https://www.theverge.com/2024/3/13/24099402/openai-text-to-video-ai-sora-public-availability

And ELON MUSK is all in a tizzy flexing his legal muscles by taking OPENAI to court...wait a sec how can that be because MUSK started OPENAI to begin with...oh boy, those finicky billionaires...is the love affair with MICROSOFT over? Or is this just a quickie love spat?

Who cares because IDEOGRAM just turned the tables on DALL-E, MIDJOURNEY, LEONARDO, CANVA and such with PROMPT COMPLIANCE & ACCURACY off the charts.

Let’s say you want SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS in command of a space ship with PRESIDENT BIDEN & TRUMP as naughty schoolboy passengers about to be sent out the airlock if SPONGE BOB pushes the BIG RED BUTTON being guarded by REN & STIMPY. A wormhole threatens to suck everything into the abyss of outer space, Earth is seen in the ship’s viewer in the far distance.

Good luck trying that with most AI places, save time clicky here: https://ideogram.ai/login  

We used IDEOGRAM already to celebrate Leap Year with BIDEN & TRUMP: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/72177720314688370/ 

MARCH 13, 2024 WEDNESDAY 2 AM - CRAWLING OUT OF THE RABBIT HOLE

NOW POSTED - HUSH pics from Devil’s Night 2023: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/

FEBRUARY 26, 2024 MONDAY 6 PM - DANCING IN THE STREETS

MARTHA REEVES made a surprise appearance at the SAG-AFTRA MICHIGAN VIEWING PARTY last Saturday night -- it was fabulous!  She is so cool, as well as our many other union brothers and sisters in attendance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68Uv959QuCg HEAT WAVE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k0GDQrK2jo

FEBRUARY 26, 2024 MONDAY 5 PM - TRANSPECIES SCANDAL ALLEGED IN TAYLOR SWIFT MERMAID STAGE ROUTINE

NEWS FLASH! As you know, we at Zioptis have a special place in our heart for the MARVELOUS MERMAIDS in showbiz -- like Morgaine Rosenthal with CIRQUE ITALIA who WOWED MICHIGAN: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/72177720300900927/

And now we have another unofficially official adopted MERMAID KID SISTER -- Taylor Swift. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3aIxNywRpc

SWIFTIES FEELING OF BELONGING - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCC7H5iNnCc We often mention the powerful “shared experience” aspect of haunted attractions -- this also applies to pop concerts in massive arenas!

FEBRUARY 25, 2024 SUNDAY 11:11 PM - NEW & IMPROVED, THE AMAZING GAME CHANGER

Yeah, yeah Zioptis, we’ve heard it before -- the latest and greatest new widget you can’t live without, and didn’t even know existed until a few minutes ago.

It will change forever the way you thought about entertainment and movies.

HOLLYWOOD FACES TOTAL ANNIHILATION AS SORA SOARS OVER NEW HAS-BEENS

Yawn.

There are all kinds of AI programs out there for making images and videos.

RUNWAY GEN2, LEONARDO, and MIDJOURNEY are cool I guess but you only get 30 seconds per segment. Others say DALL-E and PIKA LABS are the way to go. But the top pros would never use anything but real cameras and such, right?

Before you answer, consider that recently some HOLLYWOOD BIGWIG was poised to invest $800 BILLION in a brand new state-of-the-art studio. Ready to sign the check.

But then he saw a demo of SORA that quickly changed his perspective, probably something like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFwzaAU8xFA

SORA WILL CHANGE THE GLOBAL ECONOMY - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ3WtQRn9xs

SORA FULL ANALYSIS - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYTRFKGR9wQ

SHORT DEMO WITH GOLDEN RETRIEVERS PODCASTING ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmNl6-UBmbI 

IS THIS THE END OF CREATIVE TRUST - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G690CqaTPJ0    

The future is now. Who will be the first haunted attraction to develop a video with SORA?

FEBRUARY 24, 2024 SATURDAY 1 PM - DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

I’ve been busy on the other side of our dual-identity computer, in the home stretch working on the HUSH pictures. They’ll be coming soon!

But right now I’m getting ready to join my fellow SAG-AFTRA Michigan members as we get together tonight at our annual Awards Viewing Party.

The SAG AWARDS (Screen Actors Guild) are a little different from other movie awards shows like The Academy Awards, as the SAG members vote for the winners.  

FEBRUARY 16, 2024 FRIDAY 2 PM - GOOD TO THE LAST DROP

HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION in WESTLAND is open tonight and tomorrow! https://valentinehauntdetroit.com/

If you didn’t already go on Valentine’s Day, why not floor your sweetie with an amazing adventure never to be forgotten? CARPE DIEM, BABY!

FEBRUARY 16, 2024 FRIDAY 12:53 AM - DETROIT ROCK CITY USA

The Motor City played a pivotal role in Motown music and Rock ‘N’ Roll. The whole world turned its’ ears to Detroit, and it continues to this day.

For example, just now on LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MYERS as they were cutting away to an ad break the band played “KICK OUT THE JAMS” by the MC5. The studio audience heard the rest of the song while the TV audience saw some ads.

MC5 is short for Motor City 5, and they were the house band of sorts at the GRANDE BALLROOM in DETROIT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGQ5NZnzlLA

The raw, primal energy this band unleashed is legendary and has been cited by many other bands as an early influence.

Later, Detroit was the birthplace of TECHNO MUSIC which is celebrated every year as people from all over the world flock to an international festival. https://movementfestival.com/

The world also looks to Detroit as the BIRTHPLACE OF HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS.

So you can see -- in many ways planet Earth looks to Detroit as an entertainment leader of the pack!

FEBRUARY 15, 2024 THURSDAY 10 PM - HOW MGM NEARLY RUINED THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME

Quick, what’s the greatest movie of all time?

Many would say THE WIZARD OF OZ. Many moons ago it was shown only once per year, and it was a major event.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOWARD ARLEN

Today is Howard Arlen’s birthday. But who is he, and what does that have to do with this?

He wrote a song you’ve probably heard called “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” You probably can picture it...a young girl on a farm with her small dog...contemplating her life journey...her soul cries out as she sings a song while wishing she could fly like a bluebird.

BEING WRITTEN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhRIbjvTjfw

 

FEBRUARY 15, 2024 THURSDAY 12 NOON - WHOLE LOTTA LOVE

Rock music almost always has electric guitars. Many times it’s the first thing you hear in the song. Like some of you already have a certain Jimmy Page riff running through your mind... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQmmM_qwG4k

Or how about STEVEN WILSON? He’s the guy from England who has several bands, with PORCUPINE TREE being his flagship effort. They seriously rock, but with complexity and proficiency of the highest level.

Several of our friends name PORCUPINE TREE as being rare in that they produce EXCITING NEW MUSIC in a sea of 3 chord bands on late night TV.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

FEBRUARY 14, 2024 WEDNESDAY 10 PM - AFTERGLOW

Hopefully you had a wonderful evening with your Valentine’s Day sweetie, and now you’re back at your place for “only a little while.”

The right music can work miracles, setting the right mood. Try this sleeper gem from Steven Wilson, the guy behind PORCUPINE TREE. SIGNIFICANT OTHER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAColKjZJz0

After that, “WIND AND WUTHERING” by GENESIS should do the trick by the time the last track plays which is literally called “Afterglow.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB17cC8lBuY&list=PLDD6nAEVVZxGbso0OD9XesiUVU2YFp8W4

You’re welcome. (:

FEBRUARY 14, 2024 WEDNESDAY 2 PM - OF THESE THE GREATEST IS LOVE

Happy Valentine’s Day / Ash Wednesday! Love is in the air, and Cupid’s arrow will be doing its’ job bringing lovers together.

HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION in WESTLAND will be bringing lovers together starting tonight for a special 3 night off-season run. Based on their great success last year, we feel confident in giving it our full endorsement. https://valentinehauntdetroit.com/

Many moons ago, we presented a special Valentine’s Day episode on ZIOPTIS DIAL-A-TRIP that features FIN-TIN THE DIRT FACED CLOWN who we occasionally mention here.

Unfortunately, all of our answering machines used for ZIOPTIS DIAL-A-TRIP are broken. It’s too long for here, so we’re putting the script for “FIN-TIN’S PANCAKE PRINCESS” at the top of Archive 42. There’s no audio, so imagine hearing sad violin music in a minor key under the voice over: http://www.zioptis.com/html/archive_42.shtml

FEBRUARY 13, 2024 TUESDAY 2 PM - THROWING A MONKEY WRENCH IN VALENTINE’S PLANS

TV News has just reported that LYFT, UBER, and DOORDASH will be going on strike tomorrow which is VALENTINE’S DAY.

Some of you are probably planning on using one of these services to go to HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION tomorrow for the first of three days of their VALENTINE’S DAY event. https://hushhauntedattractions.com/

If so make alternate transportation plans today! 

FEBRUARY 12, 2024 MONDAY 2 PM - HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

Taylor said: “It was unbelievable! That was the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced.” 

WOW! What a great game it was last night with the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS winning THE SUPER BOWL in overtime. The game lived up to the hype and then some, with frequent cutaways to TAYLOR SWIFT whooping it up having the time of her life: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/02/taylor-swift-travis-kelce-super-bowl-2024-postgame-conversation 

https://nypost.com/2024/02/12/sports/brittany-mahomes-message-to-taylor-swift-after-chiefs-super-bowl-win/

FEBRUARY 12, 2024 MONDAY 11:11 AM - SWIFTIES CONQUER ALL WHO DARE OPPOSE QUEEN TAYLOR

We’re still not buying her records, but Taylor Swift won the Super Bowl last night in a thrilling surprise finish!

It was so much fun seeing her having big fun and letting loose with her girlfriends and MAMA KELCE. The happy vibes flew straight out of TV screens worldwide and made everyone with a heart smile!

Oh yeah, there was a football game too and her boyfriend’s team won at the last moment.

The Kansas City Chiefs may have won a title, but the real winner was FEMALE EMPOWERMENT.

Not only that, BEYONCE ran an ad that appears to be announcing a NEW MUSIC DROP from the other queen.

As you probably know, BEYONCE is also true royalty in musical hierarchy with her own army of followers lovingly known as “THE BEE HIVE.”

They don’t know it yet, but TAYLOR SWIFT, BEYONCE and SHAKIRA will be joining CANDY FISHALOT aka TRACY BEACH as her Personal Posse for a ZIOPTIS LIGHT PAINTING photo shoot at a MAJOR DETROIT MEGA HAUNT, pending movie script completion and logistics research.

The movie’s working title is “REDEMPTION IN A HOOPTIE - JANE & TRACY’S AMAZING TRYST WITH DESTINY.” In case you don’t know, a “hooptie” is a junk car, in this case Tracy’s POWDER BLUE FORD PINTO STATION WAGON she used to escape her abusive boyfriend in Toledo, Ohio.

The car is littered with empty garlic paste containers and dog food cans, and features a CRAIG brand cassette player. A tape is stuck inside, “THE INNER MOUNTING FLAME by MAHAVISHNU ORCHESTRA” and Tracy becomes intimately familiar with the highly complex drumming this masterpiece features.

This knowledge eventually plays a key role in unlocking the secrets of life that allude poor Tracy, who life has crapped on at every possible phase of her beleaguered existence.

Most movies following this format of THE HERO’S JOURNEY have an ALL IS LOST moment, when things couldn’t possibly get any worse. But this movie has a long series of ALL IS LOST moments, further endearing the audience to the hapless waif.

FEBRUARY 11, 2024 SUNDAY  8:15 PM - HALF TIME SUPER BOWL PREDICTION

Here’s our 100% guaranteed outcome prediction: If TRAVIS & TAYLOR win The Super Bowl, they will not gloat. If they lose, they will not complain. It’s called class, something they both have. TRUTH MATTERS!

FEBRUARY 11, 2024 SUNDAY 12 NOON - BUFFALO DIP & CHICKEN WINGS

HAPPY SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!

A mountain of chicken wings and a sea of Ranch Dressing will be finding its’ way into the plumbing infrastructure of countless cities across the USA. The phones won’t stop ringing at every pizza parlor in town. It too will end up in the extensive sewage system.

THE BIGGEST & BADDEST EVER

This is the most widely promoted and ballyhooed sporting event in the USA every year, with tonight on track to set new records.

The primary driving force behind this doesn’t even play football to our knowledge. She’s a self made billionaire with a modest disposition, and a penchant for making giant donations at food banks in every city she goes to.

For example, after she played 2 sold out shows at LEVI’S STADIUM she made a donation to the food bank in Santa Clara. They wouldn’t give a dollar amount, but said it was enough to feed 500,000 people per month for a year!

So who is this new hero?

In case you had your head in the sand, we’re talking about Taylor Swift. She is AN AMERICAN TREASURE, and has created a curious new phenomenon. Her boyfriend is a NFL FOOTBALL STAR, turning her Army of Swifties into instant football fans.

THE TAYLOR SWIFT EFFECT

Many of them have dads who for years have watched football without them. But that was then, and this is now the SWIFTIE ERA.

Suddenly, teenage girls are asking dad if they can watch the football game with them.

Really? Are you kidding? What dad in his right mind wouldn’t want that? To squander such an opportunity would be insanely stupid IMHO.

A real dad would never trash their daughter’s hero, right? But sadly, some of them do...maybe not directly to their daughter’s face, but in words and deeds affecting their future freedoms...

UNDER CONSTRUCTION  

FEBRUARY 11, 2024 SUNDAY 11:11 AM - TAYLOR SWIFT ELECTED QUEEN OF SUPER BOWL

We’re still not buying her albums. But there’s no denying that TAYLOR SWIFT has changed the landscape of pro football, quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. Besides, everybody has forgotten about Colin Kapernik.

A new breed of football fans think of church when they hear the phrase “HAIL MARY.” Lots of them don’t yet have a driver’s license.

I saw a picture of one of them, an adorable ten year old girl holding a sign that said “GO TAYLOR’S BOYFRIEND!”

Football will never be the same. CARPE DIEM, BABY!

FEBRUARY 11, 2024 SUNDAY 3 AM - LONG DISTANCE RUNAROUND

No, not the song by YES. It’s a special private jet airplane flight currently on its’ way to LAS VEGAS from JAPAN. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La9Me7alNqA

Our kid sister TAYLOR SWIFT played a sold-out concert in Japan yesterday, and is probably asleep right now en route to the USA.

The authorities in Japan were happy to help get Taylor and her jet safely off in time to make it to The Super Bowl later today. THANK YOU, JAPAN! The whole world loves Taylor.

FEBRUARY 10, 2024 SATURDAY 11:11 PM - FLIPPING THE COIN OF DESTINY

So who are you going to root for in The Super Bowl tomorrow, the SAN FRANCISCO 49ers or the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS?

If the 49ers win, isn’t that better as far the reputation of The Lions is concerned? Because the only team that could beat us also beats the closest other competitor, right?

So if you’re a TRUE BLUE LIONS FAN the 49ers should be your choice.

But I have relatives in Kansas, and Taylor Swift has become our unofficial official adopted kid sister... So we’re rooting for the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS along with untold MILLIONS OF SWIFTIES!

DON’T MESS WITH THE SWIFTIES

Make no mistake, QUEEN TAYLOR rules an army. They are kind and gracious, but also wildly enthusiastic and highly protective of her like a bully big brother. As long as you don’t mess with their queen, you’ll be fine. But don’t cross the line, lest you endure the wrath of the masses.

FEBRUARY 10, 2024 SATURDAY 10:06 PM - SNL RERUN WITH TRAVIS KELCE HOSTING NOW PLAYING ON NBC TV

FEBRUARY 10, 2024 SATURDAY 10 PM - WHISTLE BLOWER IN TELL-ALL SECRET SUPER BOWL CONSPIRACY

NEWS FLASH! We have a shocking report from an insider who would speak only under the condition of remaining anonymous, spilling the beans exclusively to Zioptis News:

The Pentagon has rigged the football game tomorrow -- the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS will win by 1 point in a thrilling but fixed nail biter. Then TAYLOR SWIFT and TRAVIS KELCE will get engaged on LIVE TV, and TAYLOR will announce she is buying the team who will now be known as KANSAS CITY SWIFTIES.

Saving the best for last, Taylor will then “introduce the new team manager” as PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN suddenly appears on stage for a big happy group hug. Jaws will drop, and Taylor will perform a new song written for the occasion. JOE BIDEN will sing backup harmony parts with uncanny precision thanks to AI software. The audience goes wild.

So there you have it. No need to tune in tomorrow and waste precious time you could be using to sort your pocket lint or eating a custard filled PACSKI

FEBRUARY 10, 2024 SATURDAY 6 PM - ZERO EFFORT

Some people spend their lives trying to get famous, but never make it wasting priceless time in the process. Even worse, many of these folks abandon life’s treasures along the way in fruitless efforts to hit the big time.

Some people reverse the process. Hitting the big time is the last thing on their mind as they embrace life’s rewards first and foremost. They treasure each and every precious moment “SMELLING THE ROSES” as they go.

FEBRUARY 10, 2024 SATURDAY 3 PM - BOO!

Tonight is your big chance! Off season VALENTINE HAUNT EVENTS will be held tonight at AZRA, ELOISE, and THE SCREAM MACHINE.

And then HUSH will have their VALENTINE HAUNT EVENT on February 14, 16 & 17 from 7 - 10 PM.

FEBRUARY 9, 2024 FRIDAY 10 AM - WITCH’S REVENGE TOMORROW

Here’s another PRIMO CHOICE for a Valentine’s Date like no other, at THE SCREAM MACHINE in TAYLOR. https://thescreammachine.com/

It’s one night only, Saturday 7-10 PM February 10, 2024 which is tomorrow.

If you haven’t been to the new location for THE SCREAM MACHINE here’s your big chance! And if you have seen it, it’s still a great opportunity to get your haunt on at this longtime Downriver fave.

FEBRUARY 8, 2024 THURSDAY 6 PM - THE SILVER SCREEN

We’ve been exploring some fascinating AI FILMS and wondering how they might help haunted attractions.

But movies are not new to haunted attractions, with one fabulous example coming from CRAZY BOB TURNER at HAUNTED HYDRO in FREMONT, OHIO. They fashioned a movie theater from one of their buildings, with bleachers and props to simulate a typical movie house. The movie they showed was filmed inside that same structure!

This produced a strange mirror-image feel to the presentation, that also included many scenes of VINTAGE FORD CARS & TRUCKS in pristine condition. As I recall this surreal movie ran about 10 minutes.

Looking to shorter length movies from haunts, we have many examples ranging from intros shown before entering the haunt to “trailers,” or short promotion videos designed to attract fans. Some of these are masterpieces! Here’s a few at random: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkI4WTtNi9E&t=1s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy13ixGRnmA 

FEBRUARY 8, 2024 THURSDAY 3 PM - LEGENDARY DETROIT ROCKER TEAMS UP WITH ROB ZOMBIE

This should be a monster! https://www.livenation.com/event/vv17OZbdGknWHSTN/rob-zombie-and-alice-cooper-freaks-on-parade-2024-tour

FEBRUARY 6, 2024 TUESDAY 5 PM - ORANGE MAN DECLARES “HOLY WAR” ON AMERICA’S SWEETHEART & NFL

It’s on. A war for no good reason.

There’s no volleyball scholarship. No stint at financial giant Goldman Sachs. There’s no limit to all the stuff a politician can tell you!

It’s so easy to get confused about politics...people getting upset, lashing out...why can’t we spend all that energy on haunted attractions instead? Maybe the TV NEWS can tell us why: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXVi7RJdbXM 

FEBRUARY 6, 2024 TUESDAY 4 PM - LOOKING INTO THE CRYSTAL BALL, AGAIN

Ah yes, I can see it now: A 2nd MAJOR DETROIT HAUNT will use AI in their show. EREBUS was the first, which proved a prediction of ours correct BTW

So what kind of innovative way for a new twist in a MAJOR GAG could a haunt use?

The sky’s the limit...looking for a serious mind messer...what kind of imagery from beyond can we come up with...how best to present it...what if we insert crazy stupid prompts into MIDJOURNEY or LEONARDO then feed it to RUNWAY GEN2? Let’s make up some wacky prompts...Wooden Candy Bar Demon...Bob Slobber Barbecue Trout Mix...Rhinoplasty Custer Strut...Jello Choo Choo Train...Concrete Pillow Monster NEON PETER MAX REMIX...

The AI SHORT FILM scene is exploding, and it seems likely that somewhere a haunt operator is experimenting with making strange mind blowing movies as we speak...

Let’s take a look at what some people have come up with:

ECHOES OF NOW - THE VISIBLEMAKER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cs9iwG8htM   

GOLDEN TOUCH - COSMIC HORROR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUFmRyPLrjk

THE SOFT SIDE OF OUR AI FRIEND

And we even found one with a unicorn that little girls would like:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfxPrNTjQLU 

FEBRUARY 4, 2024 SUNDAY 11:30 PM - ICING ON THE TOP / KID SISTER MAKES GOOD!

They always save the biggest award for the end at THE GRAMMY’S, and just as we were hoping our little sister Taylor won ALBUM OF THE YEAR for “MIDNIGHTS.” The place went crazy, and Taylor was very gracious. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq-q-ZCZwxc

No doubt the nay sayers and conspiracy theorists will declare it a fixed contest, after all that’s exactly what they predicted.

But that’s just SOUR GRAPES it seems to us, although we are wondering when BEYONCE will win ALBUM OF THE YEAR as her husband JAY-Z was quick to point out. This was the only controversial moment of the evening we saw. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Ic3fXuM52TI 

FEBRUARY 4, 2024 SUNDAY 11 PM - HEAT OF THE MOMENT

Candy and Fin-Tin are dancing with joy, after seeing TAYLOR SWIFT BEING SILLY on The Grammy’s. She was giving noogies to someone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h4UjSHlgsk 

RECORD OF THE YEAR AWARD = FLOWERS BY MILEY CYRUS

FEBRUARY 4, 2024 SUNDAY 9 PM - TAYLOR SWIFT CAUGHT IN SECRET GIVEAWAY TO HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF NON-SWIFTIES

You won’t hear it from Taylor or complaining politicians. Even the TV NEWS has largely ignored this BLOCKBUSTER OUTBURST OF KINDNESS. So allow us to toot her horn...

Every week she’s on tour, hundreds of thousands of FAITHFUL SWIFTIES pack arenas worldwide. While Taylor is thankful for a steady stream of SOLD OUT SHOWS, she also feels compelled to help the many thousands of WANNA BE SWIFTIES out there. These are the people who can’t afford to buy a ticket. Even worse, many of them can’t even afford to feed their families.

Taylor is famous for

under construction 

FEBRUARY 4, 2024 SUNDAY 7 PM - A BLOODY MESS / ROB ZOMBIE CLOBBERS TAYLOR SWIFT IN GRUESOME GRAMMY’S TAKEDOWN

Will this be the SHOCKING HEADLINE from the GRAMMY AWARDS SHOW later tonight which starts on CBS-TV at 8 PM? https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/02/04/arts/grammy-awards

Probably not, because ROB ZOMBIE won’t be there to our knowledge.

Even if he was, this would never happen. They both have too much class. We’re just kidding of course...and besides we know someone who worked closely with Rob Zombie, and in real life he’s nothing like his stage character.

The big hubbub about the GRAMMY’S TONIGHT is...you guessed it, of course it’s the top contender for MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN THE WORLD: POPEYE THE SAILOR TAYLOR SWIFT.

TAYLOR SWIFT & TOMMY LEE CAUGHT MAKING OUT IN GRAMMY’S CLOAK ROOM

Will this be the SHOCKING HEADLINE from the GRAMMY AWARDS SHOW later tonight which starts on CBS-TV at 8 PM?

Probably not, because TOMMY LEE won’t be there to our knowledge.

But if he was there, and Taylor decided to get wild and have some BIG BAD BOY FUN with him we would say YOU GO GIRL!

Taylor has become our unofficially officially adopted kid sister, and we defend her life choices...especially when she upsets small minded politicians. Hmmm...how about this:

We think Taylor should invite President Biden AND President Trump to party with her at THE SUPER BOWL next Sunday night. Maybe they could all kiss and make up, and Taylor could add WORLD PEACE to her list of accomplishments!

FOR HEIGHTS & DEPTHS NO WORDS CAN REACH, MUSIC IS THE SOUL’S OWN SPEECH  

If TAYLOR SWIFT wins ALBUM OF THE YEAR some will claim that the contest was rigged and fixed. Nonsense.

Here’s Taylor’s mindset, revealed in a video clip of a previous music awards show she was also nominated at: When someone else won, Taylor was the first on her feet for a STANDING OVATION to honor her competitor. That’s class.

TREVOR NOAH is hilarious on The Grammy’s! More later...

JONI MITCHELL will perform tonight on The Grammy’s! Love her big time, especially FOR THE ROSES.

FEBRUARY 3, 2024 SATURDAY 6 PM - NEW HIT LIST

The latest report detailing 39,630 hits over the last period has been added to Archive 33: http://www.zioptis.com/html/archive_33.shtml

FEBRUARY 2, 2024 FRIDAY 4 PM - ICE FESTIVAL IS A GO

Never mind the mild weather, the 42nd ANNUAL PLYMOUTH ICE FESTIVAL is a go. Dry ice will assist the festivities which start at 5 PM TODAY: https://www.facebook.com/plymouthicefestival/

Over 200 sculptures are made from 150,000 pounds of ice!

DAIRY KING vs. DAIRY GO-ROUND

Also, a contest to determine the best gourmet ice cream is sure to please the kids of all ages that flock to this FROSTY FESTIVAL year after year.

JANUARY 30, 2024 TUESDAY 4 PM - BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Not sure if we already posted this cool looking Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/rankergraveyardshift

JANUARY 30, 2024 TUESDAY 3 PM - DETROIT LIONS WIN SUPER BOWL!

The game last Sunday was rigged. There were many irregularities. In short, it was stollen by the bad guys!

Ridiculous? Of course, we’re just kidding.

But it’s this kind of fuzzy logic that sadly has seeped into politics, where 2 + 2 = 5 if the supreme leader says it does.

THE DETROIT LIONS lost the game, fair and square. It was close, but no cigar. Congratulations to the SAN FRANCISCO 49ers on their well deserved victory. To them we say LIVE LONG & PROSPER! And if they WIN THE SUPER BOWL, it will show that nobody else could beat the team that defeated The Lions.

Critics may point to a key decision by Coach Dan Campbell to GO FOR IT on a 4th down instead of kicking a field goal for 3 points, the exact margin we lost by.

History does not reveal its alternatives, so we’ll never know if we might have otherwise won. Nonetheless, we support Campbell’s decision to make a calculated risk.

Calculated risks are part of the haunted attraction industry.

“WHAT IF” we try something that nobody has ever tried before at a haunt? “WHAT IF” we spend our entire budget on just one incredible prop from DISTORTIONS UNLIMITED?

These are the questions industry leaders ask themselves, with the potential to make or break a haunt. God bless them, may they all LIVE LONG & PROSPER!

JANUARY 28, 2024 SUNDAY 4 PM - DUSTING OFF THE CRYSTAL BALL

OMG! The QB for the BALTIMORE RAVENS just caught his own pass for a gain of yardage. He threw the ball, it was deflected, and he was able to catch it and run! We’ve never seen this done before, and it will be on the news sports highlights later for sure.

And we’re only about 2 hours away from kickoff for THE DETROIT LIONS vs. SAN FRANCISCO 49ers, with the winner going to the SUPER BOWL. We predict THE LIONS will win by 3 points.

JANUARY 27, 2024 SATURDAY 11:11 PM - ROBOT RUDENESS

It was only a matter of time until somebody used AI for nefarious purposes, and now we have two incidents recently.

First, a DEEPFAKE message using the voice of President Biden was sent to thousands of phones. It said not to vote now and waste your vote, wait until November.

Apparently, most people recognized this to be deliberate misinformation because Biden won the election despite not even being on the ballot. People wrote him in.

So the effort to discredit Biden bombed, and nobody cares...at least not us.

***SIDE BAR - Biden is like the broad side of a barn, being an easy target for AI PRANKSTERS to poke light hearted fun at the POTUS. If you didn’t already see them, here’s FAKE BIDEN DAIRY QUEEN ADS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XID0yQueHuo   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19xgfA4YncM US PRESIDENTS GO TO DAIRY QUEEN NEW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otSATyp7BdA ***

But now some nefarious jerk has attacked our kid sister TAYLOR SWIFT in a disgusting way using AI, and it’s tempting to hit back.

But I was brought up learning that “two wrongs don’t make a right” so I should let it go...

On the other hand, if somebody else wants to take a swipe back that has MIDJOURNEY and RUNWAY GEN2 and a sharp sense of political humor who am I to say they shouldn’t?

We do have free speech, so let’s hear what SCARED KETCHUP makes of all this POLITICAL POLLUTION. Warning: Snarky political humor with spicy language: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdzXluj5wkU  

JANUARY 27, 2024 SATURDAY 4 PM - BIG FUN IN THE D

What youngster doesn’t love excitement, adventure, and fun? After all, those are key elements of haunted attractions which are wildly popular but closed right now.

Here’s an event that will hurl you thousands of years into the past, straight into an experience sure to thrill the kids.

Welcome to DINOSAUR ADVENTURE, running today and tomorrow at HUNTINGTON PLACE in DETROIT (formerly COBO HALL): https://dinosauradventure.com 

JANUARY 27, 2024 SATURDAY 3 PM - KINGS OF THE JUNGLE

THE DETROIT LIONS are only one victory away from being in The Super Bowl, and FORD FIELD is totally sold out for the game tomorrow.

The drum lines are ready, the cheerleaders have their pom poms in hand, the ice cold beer is ready, and the climate control is set at 70 degrees for maximum comfort of the screaming fans.

Wait a sec, isn’t the game being played in California?

Yup. But Lions fans are so pumped there’s a giant game viewing party at FORD FIELD. The only thing missing will be the physical presence of the  football players, as the game will be seen on a barrage of giant TVs.

Oh wait, also missing will be TAYLOR SWIFT who will most likely be at another football game supporting her boyfriend in the CHIEFS.

We’re still not Swifties, but she has become our unofficially adopted kid sister who we’ve become very protective of like a bully big brother.

JANUARY 24, 2024 WEDNESDAY 7 PM - STATE OF THE STATE ADDRESS

The Governor of Michigan is giving the STATE OF THE STATE ADDRESS right now on WXYZ TV 7.

Conditions in Michigan affect the haunted attraction industry, so it’s worth checking this out. More later...

JANUARY 24, 2024 WEDNESDAY 1 PM - MORE MITTEN MAGIC

Here’s another epic winter celebration that reminds us of CHRISTMAS IN IDA, but is much closer to Detroit: https://www.winterblast.com/ It runs Feb. 2-4, 2024

JANUARY 23, 2024 TUESDAY 10 PM - THE SONG THAT BIRTHED PROG ROCK / CAME FROM BED SHEETS!

Rock music takes many forms -- alternative, metal, speed metal, hard, garage, grunge, punk, psychedelic, etc.

Rock music fans are known for extreme enthusiasm for their favorites. But what if you’re a musician yourself, having grown up surrounded by Motown and classical as well as rock?

If so, like me there’s a good chance you also become a fan of jazz and progressive rock aka PROG ROCK. PROG ROCK can be defined as combining elements of classical and jazz with rock. The tempo, time signature, and style can change many times in a single song.

Early masters of PROG ROCK include EMERSON, LAKE & PALMER, GENESIS, GENTLE GIANT, KING CRIMSON, JETHRO TULL, PINK FLOYD, SOFT MACHINE and YES.

But the band that brought this sub-genre of rock to the public limelight was a rhythm and blues band whose first big hit was anything but PROG, a slow rollicking song about love sick teenager angst.

This story, and many others about unlikely song origins are told by THE PROFESSOR OF ROCK on Youtube. Here’s the rest about this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDcgGvBb-SA Others: https://www.youtube.com/@ProfessorofRock

This guy seems cool and a likely kindred spirit!

JANUARY 22, 2024 MONDAY 3 PM - MY BLOODY VALENTINE

VALENTINE’S DAY is coming soon, and here’s your chance to plan the perfect evening with your sweetie.

Dinner and a movie is old hat, and likely to result in a so-so experience. At dinner you look at each other while remembering to keep your mouth closed as you chew. Then you both look at a movie screen that demands attention.

Yawn. Forget that! We have a much better “serving suggestion” that virtually guarantees the happy ending you both want.

Off season HAUNT EVENTS will be held at three major haunts -- AZRA CHAMBER OF HORRORS HAUNTED HOUSE in MADISON HEIGHTS, ELOISE ASYLUM in WESTLAND, and HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION in WESTLAND. https://azrahaunt.com/ https://eloiseasylum.com/ https://hushhauntedattractions.com/

For added impact this could be a surprise, but either way it’s big fun!

JANUARY 22, 2024 MONDAY 2 AM - PARTY ALL AROUND THE WORLD

They were DANCING IN THE STREETS last night after the triumphant victory of THE DETROIT LIONS over our inferior opponents the TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS.

Detroit was ground zero, but the positive energy exploded worldwide in a flash. SUPER BOWL FEVER is already affecting The Mitten, even though we need to win one more game against the SAN FRANCISCO 49ers before qualifying for the SUPER BOWL.

We have the momentum. We have the motivation. We have the talent. GO LIONS!

JANUARY 21, 2024 SUNDAY 2:20 PM - THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

No, not the song...it’s the hubbub before the big football game with THE LIONS about to EAT BUCCANEERS FOR LUNCH in front of the whole world.

Just practicing drums and listening to music before kickoff...any PROG ROCK fans out there...talkin’ early masters like GENESIS, KING CRIMSON, EMERSON, LAKE & PALMER, JETHRO TULL, and YES...speaking of YES, the closest we’ll probably see to a new YES album is the new TREVOR RABIN - “PUSH” BTW, Trevor was in YES during the BIG GENERATOR era.

You just have time to see his cool music video before game time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udpVPB223O0

And here’s a VISUAL MASTERPIECE from STEVE HACKETT who played guitar for Genesis. This dropped 10 days ago and is from the album THE CIRCUS & THE NIGHTWHALE out on February 16th, 2024: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwYc8_orY8

ATTENTION GENESIS FANS! Check out some awesome live Genesis songs superbly performed by Steve Hackett: https://www.youtube.com/@RulieArifin Also check with: https://www.youtube.com/@insideoutmusic 

JANUARY 21, 2024 SUNDAY 1:30 PM - WHO’S IN CHARGE NOW?

I’ve been noticing something weird when working with AI generated images. When I tell LEONARDO to include certain words in the image, it never complies.

Maybe you noticed this in the HEIDI TRAILER with Heidi spelled as HCRLIC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A2-Af5JEWU

And sometimes the spelling changes on its own, but why and who decided that?

Here’s more AI WEIRDNESS inspired by surreal artist BOSCH made with MIDJOURNEY and RUNWAY GEN2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3gsJUTG8JU

JANUARY 21, 2024 SUNDAY 12:30 PM - AAARGH MATEY!

2 1/2 hours from now, THE DETROIT LIONS will take on another bunch of football players with EVIL LOOKING SKULLS on their helmets as they try their best to WIN THE BIG GAME.

Will Detroit win by 3 points, as we predicted last night?

We hope so, but either way we’re confident that kindness and respect will prevail. Last week our former QB MATTHEW STAFFORD was met with only a few token BOO’S, to be expected.

But people remember that he and his wife and kids spent 12 years doing their best to help The Lions win and were involved with many community improvement efforts in Detroit. Stafford is a class act by all measures.

So GO LIONS and ye shall certainly obliterate your inferior competitors, the TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS. By 3 points.

JANUARY 21, 2024 SUNDAY 7 AM - HONOLULU BLUE & HOT CHOCOLATE

The Channel 4 Detroit local news is on, and the football tailgaters have already started arriving setting up grills and such...

Official TV coverage starts at noon on WDIV TV 4 NBC, with short segment teasers along the way.

Last week’s game went smoothly, with no major incidents and lots of police for safety. And when people are feeling safe and comfortable they’re more likely to spend more money. Last week’s game brought about $20 million in, and today should do at least as well.

And just as important, Detroiter’s have made visitors feel welcome.

Also, there’s a DETROIT PISTONS hockey game at LITTLE CAESARS ARENA tonight! They delayed the start of the game by an hour to accommodate traffic and parking logistics.

Time to go back to bed now, more later...

JANUARY 21, 2024 SUNDAY 6 AM - REVEALED: SECRET SPACE ALIEN MUSIC MACHINES!

Have you ever been up north far away from the BIG CITY LIGHTS and gazed up in wonder at the SKY FULL OF STARS?

Surely there must be other planets where sentient beings of some sort have also “invented” music. There are certain constants throughout the universe like frequencies involving light and sound it seems...so I can’t help but wonder what would ALIEN BOOM BOXES look like?

Apparently a guy in India was also contemplating this issue. So he fired up MIDJOURNEY and RUNWAY GEN2 and made a music video for his band TETOUZE. Check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWXVDqqqt3M

Once upon a time, it took lots of cash and planning to make elaborate music videos like “RIO” by DURAN DURAN for example.

But now anybody with a computer can get LEONARDO for free, which is almost a clone of MIDJOURNEY. NEWS FLASH! I just saw videos saying LEONARDO now has IMAGE2MOTION: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2KYpCfdG-E https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTMaKREEYKU

I’ve been using LEONARDO and it’s addicting! You can scroll thru the latest and greatest new art...click on one and copy the list of prompts...change the main character from a pretty girl to a singing frog or fish...dressed to the 9’s with a tux and top hat, playing a guitar...then try a black hole spinning vortex with earth seen from outer space... oh, wait maybe a scary monster on an alien planet instead like at a haunted attraction...hmmm, now I’m wondering...which MICHIGAN HAUNT will be the first to use AI ART on a really big scale?

One cool thing about LEONARDO is that they give you like 200 credits per day on the free plan, so you can only go so long before they run out and you have to stop. Of course they’re hoping you’ll be so immersed you won’t be able to stop and you’ll sign up for recurring payments.

FREQUENSEERS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KLMmDbNvSU

SUYRA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ13GVGYbfI PRIMAL PULSE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNrfO-z7QJY METAL LET IT GO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFxi9edQlKk GOD MADE A DICTATOR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7Q6Vq_7PVQ

JANUARY 20, 2024 SATURDAY 10 PM - LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW

Football in winter can be brutal. THE BUFFALO BILLS recently had to literally hire football fans twice for $20 an hour to shovel 5 feet of snow out of the stadium to be able to have their game!

The weather in Detroit for tomorrow’s big game will be brutal, with subzero wind chill temperatures. But that won’t stop the zealous tailgaters, as they party hearty in preparation of The Lions in their relentless pursuit of WINNING THE SUPER BOWL!

But we have a secret weapon that will kick in as soon as the tailgaters are done. Okay, it’s not a secret -- it’s the fact that FORD FIELD is a covered heated stadium. Fans will casually stroll in, and make their way to their seats in climate controlled comfort. Of course the beer will still be ice cold, just not the stadium itself.

Once again, DETROIT rules and the whole world will be watching.

Last Sunday we correctly predicted The Lions would win by 1 point, in a posting at 4 PM.

So let’s look into the crystal ball again. Ah, here it is -- THE DETROIT LIONS will win the game tomorrow by 3 points.

JANUARY 20, 2024 SATURDAY 3 PM - THAT OLD TIME RELIGION

Gimmee that old time religion, it’s good enough for me” so goes the song and for some of us AUTHENTIC HAUNT PROPS are like a religion.

Nothing else screams STEEPED IN HISTORY haunt scenes like REAL ANTIQUES, especially if they’re still in their original location like on NAUTICAL NIGHTMARE which was a haunt made from an old BOB LO ISLAND BOAT.

Who remembers the incredible analog electronics room at HAUNTED HILL ACRES in BELLEVILLE? Or the mammoth gear in DARK LEGACY in NOVI? (Both of these haunts are gone.)

As for haunts still open, we’d have to say the hands-down most incredible assortment of old analog equipment is at THE EDSON INCIDENT in BAY CITY.

This haunt is literally aboard an old battle ship from the VIETNAM ERA. Almost every room has some sort of old analog electronic equipment, with lots of it being used as you make your way through this HISTORICAL TREASURE HOUSE!  

JANUARY 20, 2024 SATURDAY 2 PM - VINTAGE ELECTRONICS SHOW TODAY

Sorry for the short notice -- possible props for analog electronics room of a haunt from MICHIGAN VINTAGE ELECTRONICS CLUB in SOUTHFIELD until 4 PM today. https://www.thevee.org/

JANUARY 14, 2024 SUNDAY 11:11 PM - ZIOPTIS PREDICTS THE FUTURE AGAIN!

First we predicted a Michigan haunt would use AI last season, and EREBUS proved us right as previously reported.

Earlier today in the 4 PM posting, we predicted The Lions would win by 1 point. Here’s the final score: DETROIT LIONS 24 - LA RAMS 23

Okay, so we got that right. However, we also said it would be “at the last moment of the game” which is not the case...it was like 2 minutes or so...and the truth matters so we’re only half right in the prediction.

FIRST PLAYOFF WIN IN 32 YEARS!

What a fabulous celebration it was, with kids of all ages up to 89 like a guy from GROSSE POINTE they highlighted.

JANUARY 14, 2024 SUNDAY 5 PM - IMMERSIVE EXTRAVAGANZA TO CHALLENGE YOUR PERCEPTION OF SOUND

This sounds like an interesting sonic journey in FARMINGTON HILLS: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/imaginariun-music-experience-in-3-dimensional-sound-reality-tickets-786607884357?aff=ebpredboostfbandigads&td_campaign_id=613721&fbclid=IwAR0kI90fo4X mLFzOhWjH4Ohvacg5DGg7GbhYJS2Ms5XmQ_rfgWKd2BbY3f4

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/imaginariun-music-experience-in-3-dimensional-sound-reality-tickets

JANUARY 14, 2024 SUNDAY 4 PM - ALL EYES ON DETROIT, AGAIN

THE DETROIT LIONS stand ready to make MINCE MEAT tonight of their former QB MATTHEW STAFFORD who returns with a new football team after we traded him away for JARED GOFF.

The media has played up the rivalry big time as expected, and the public is understandingly excited.

Regardless, MATTHEW STAFFORD should be shown great respect and zero animosity or rudeness. After all, he and his wife were a dynamic positive presence in Detroit for like 7 years was it?

We can ROOT ROOT ROOT for the home team, if they don’t win it’s a shame...as the song goes...but it will be a proud moment for Detroit when we cheer for MATTHEW STAFFORD as he enters FORD FIELD tonight...and then cheer even louder when we beat them by 1 point at the last moment of the game! That’s our prediction, let’s see how close we called it.

JANUARY 13, 2024 SATURDAY 2 PM - THE MOST WHOLESOME FAMILY FRIENDLY MOVIE MEETS THE WOOD CHIPPER

Anyone remember HIGHLAND APPLIANCE? They ran silly TV ads, like one where they threw a dart at a map to decide a new store location. Competitor OLLIE FRETTER promised to give you FIVE POUNDS OF COFFEE if they couldn’t beat your best deal. A friend of ours qualified to get the reward...and it was a ONE pound can with a label claiming to be FIVE pounds! Wow, FAKE NEWS even then...haha

Anyway, we recently joked about having beer guzzling buddies over to watch a big football game...and then at kickoff time showing the movie “Heide” instead. And HIGHLAND APPLIANCE ran an ad with this scenario.

The truth is that a real life mixup led to this story: https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-heidi-bowl 

PERMANENT PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE WARNING!

Anyway, the wholesome nature of the HEIDE MOVIE makes it an easy target for a highly sinister AI remake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A2-Af5JEWU

And check this alternate version, with a soundtrack reminiscent of TOD DOCKSTADER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pmyjtGXe4w 

JANUARY 13, 2024 SATURDAY 1 PM - DING DONG!

Nope, it’s not DRIZZLY or AVON CALLING.

It’s BACON BECKONING, and the LURE OF LORNA DOONE...

If you made NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS to improve your diet you may have tried to eliminate unhealthy cuisine choices. But forget all that.

We almost missed this gem of a discovery, but yesterday was NATIONAL QUITTER’S DAY: https://www.moneycontrol.com/news/trends/quitters-day-2024-from-abandoning-new-year-resolutions-to-setting-achievable-goals-12044141.html

Have you ever woke up to the alluring aroma of bacon coming from the kitchen? It’s no wonder dogs go wild for the stuff -- they even have a special treat for them mimicking bacon called BEGGIN’ STRIPS which some of you have in your pantry now.

How about LORNA DOONE shortbread cookies? They’ve been around since 1912, so they must be doing something right with their melt-in-the-mouth buttery goodness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorna_Doone_(cookie)

But isn’t bacon loaded with saturated fat and sodium, and LORNA DOONE chock full of High Fructose Corn Syrup? Yup. *

Who cares? Nobody expects you to follow through on those pesky NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS, so what better time to abandon them than NATIONAL QUITTER’S DAY or the day after?

DENNY’S is open late, home of the GRAND SLAM BREAKFAST or RAM’S HORN with their PAUL BUNYAN COMBO. Both feature beau coup bacon.

* = Saturated fat got a bad rap, that’s now been largely debunked. On the other hand, High Fructose Corn Syrup has been banned in Europe.

JANUARY 12, 2024 FRIDAY 6:30 PM - HALLOWEEN SWEETS

Halloween and candy go together like cheese and crackers. It’s one thing about Halloween that’s not creepy, right?

But hold on, don’t answer until you see this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDnnfGq73no

And for the DOG LOVERS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7t2P9uV-vc&t=1s

JANUARY 11, 2024 THURSDAY 4 PM - CREEPY B&W AMUSEMENT PARK AI FILM

Just added to POOL FULL OF JELLO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryNtckMT49M

This might be the creepiest AI film so far! Maybe you shouldn’t watch it. Children being eaten by hideous creatures and such...yeah, never mind don’t watch this.

JANUARY 9, 2024 TUESDAY 4 PM - A HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR

HAUNTED AMERICA brings you a paranormal event with a difference: https://www.ghostconference.net/

JANUARY 9, 2024 TUESDAY 3 PM - THE SPIRIT OF HALLOWEEN

Halloween is all about fun and spooky stuff, but it’s also about The Golden Rule: https://www.facebook.com/reel/1332945614004328

JANUARY 9, 2024 TUESDAY 2 PM - POOL FULL OF JELLO

Have you ever had a nightmare where you’re trying to run away from something hideous, but your legs are bogged down? Try as you might, your legs won’t respond and running away is suddenly not an option.

As we’ve seen, AI is a quick learner and this is something it learned in Kindergarten. Depending on your point of view, this could be a curse or a blessing. If you’re creating a haunted attraction, this could be wonderful. But if you’re an Ordinary Joe, who knows what sort of psychological damage could be inflicted on an unsuspecting public?

We’ve seen through a variety of AI films that a multitude of personalities can emerge, depending on the input or “prompts” as they say on major AI platforms like MIDJOURNEY and LEONARDO which we use.

As this is a website dedicated to HALLOWEEN and HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS, we’ve been seeking the creepiest and most disturbing manifestations of AI films.

First it was a DYSTOPIAN FAKE BEER COMMERCIAL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Geja6NCjgWY and then the twisted GLEEFULLAND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuIS5K-6p8I But those are SUNSHINE & LOLLIPOPS compared to POOKY PARK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryNtckMT49M

JANUARY 8, 2024 MONDAY 11:11 PM - HAIL TO THE VICTORS!

The UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN football team just defeated their inferior competition WASHINGTON to win the National Championship!

Seventeen couches are on fire in Ann Arbor and the world once again is focused on Michigan, the birthplace of haunted attractions.

Let the good times roll! Please pass the grey poupon.

JANUARY 7, 2024 SUNDAY 5 PM - NFL BOWS TO DETROIT ROYALTY

THE DETROIT LIONS just defeated their inferior competition 30 - 20, putting them one step closer to WINNING THE SUPER BOWL!

NFL DEMANDS THE WORLD SHALL RESPECT DETROIT

As noted below, a segment of “RESPECT” by ARETHA FRANKLIN was played going into the TWO MINUTE WARNING.

This clearly a message to the world that DETROIT is to be respected and revered...or else!

JANUARY 7, 2024 SUNDAY 2:30 PM - FIND THE QUEEN OF ALL MY DREAMS

So goes a line from “RAMBLE ON” by LED ZEPPELIN.

A portion of this song was just played going into half-time of THE DETROIT LIONS game that’s being played right now on FOX-TV with Detroit leading 13-3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzGBQerkvWs

NFL & FOX-TV DECLARE ROLLING STONES GUILTY OF FAKE NEWS SCANDAL, SORTA

TV SPORTS & ROCK ‘N’ ROLL go together like cheese & crackers. Often they play rock music leading into ads, trying to sound cool and keep you tuned to that channel.

So a decision as to which song is best for the task is made by a big shot TV producer. If the best result comes from the best music, this choice also correlates to the best band among the many qualifiers one could reasonably argue.

But WHO exactly is “The World’s Greatest Rock ‘N’ Roll Band?”

Some people will say THE ROLLING STONES, but which people? Turns out it’s the band themselves that first coined the phrase and claimed to be “The World’s Greatest Rock ‘N’ Roll Band.”

It’s a catchy name so it caught on, and was plugged by many with no musical experience other than playing the radio.

But in terms of musicianship and mastery of their instruments, LED ZEPPELIN blew away THE ROLLING STONES by a Country Mile.

For example, on the above RAMBLE ON we hear the an iconic bass guitar lead melody line for the ages from JOHN PAUL JONES. And JIMMY PAGE is widely considered as among the world’s best.

For comparison, KEITH RICHARD has used a guitar that is tuned to a chord -- look for him using one finger across the fret board instead of fingering chords. A guitar expert told me about this, it’s NOT fake news! BTW, we’re not saying we don’t like Keith, just that we shouldn’t overestimate his level of guitar expertise.

Drums? That’s my specialty as it happens, and trust me JOHN BONHAM is widely cited as being an early influence by drummers. CHARLIE WATTS, well, not so much mentoring there...but God bless him anyway and R.I.P. CHARLIE WATTS drumming brother...

So does that mean LED ZEPPELIN is “The World’s Greatest Rock ‘N’ Roll Band?”

Before you answer, check out some bands you may have never heard of. Listen to another one of the world’s best bass players BILLY SHEEHAN with MR. BIG. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Sheehan

MR. BIG - ADDICTED TO THAT RUSH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoSD0DLQII0

For shear raw power and emotional impact, singer RAY GILLEN (R.I.P.) was critically acclaimed among the best. And former OZZY guitarist JAKE E. LEE was on the level of other stellar talents such as STEVE VAI and JASON BECKER (R.I.P.). This band never had the success many argued they deserved. Give them a listen and see if you agree! 

BADLANDS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U124rg_L-M

Going into the TWO MINUTE WARNING ad break, they played a portion of “RESPECT” by ARETHA FRANKLIN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0

Aretha is widely regarded as THE QUEEN OF SOUL throughout Planet Earth, again focusing the world on Detroit.

So you can see -- when it comes to being cool in general and having the best music and haunted attractions Detroit is a sure winner!

JANUARY 7, 2024 SUNDAY 1 PM - FINALLY, A HALLOWEEN AI FILM

We’ve been exploring the wacky world of AI produced films, but so far hadn’t mentioned any specifically about Halloween which is the prime focus of this website.

TA-DAH! Here it is from DAVID MANN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wCSpq5XKzQ

So far, we’ve shown creepy and/or disturbing AI films. But they don’t have to be -- also from DAVID MANN an inspirational Christmas film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K677H_yCzu0

Don’t get too comfortable though, because soon we’ll show you the hands-down creepiest AI film ever that embodies key elements of haunted attractions big time!

JANUARY 5, 2024 FRIDAY 4 PM - SCHUSSING TIME AGAIN

MT. BRIGHTON SKI AREA is open right now! They’ve been making snow like there’s no tomorrow -- IT’S A GO. https://www.mtbrighton.com/

Skiing in Michigan is such a blast! My favorite is Boyne Highlands, or Nub’s Nob if the Highlands or Boyne Mountain are too busy.

We also have fond memories of BLUE MOUNTAIN in COLLINGWOOD, ONTARIO ...many say this blows away anything in Michigan BTW... https://www.bluemountain.ca/

JANUARY 5, 2024 FRIDAY 1 PM - 273 MILLION AND COUNTING

Earlier we reported that TAYLOR SWIFT has 272 million followers on INSTAGRAM, confirmed at that time. This is significant as many of them fall into the demographic of haunted attraction patrons.

But because THE TRUTH MATTERS, we must now report the facts have changed. There are now 273 million followers of Taylor Swift on Instagram. To put this in context, the population of the entire USA is about 335 million.

The SWIFTIES are taking over, and no amount of bickering or claims to the contrary can stop the tsunami of good will and love for their anointed queen.

CANDY FISHALOT is a proud Swiftie, and FIN-TIN THE DIRT FACED CLOWN looks to Candy for guidance as his MOMMY DROPPED HIM ON HIS HEAD. This essentially makes FIN-TIN a Swiftie in a different demographic from most of them.

FIN-TIN is confused about all the political hubbub, but he has a good heart so Candy tries her best to help him navigate life’s challenges and find the truth in a world of ALTERNATIVE FACTS and FAKE NEWS.

NO VOLLEY BALL SCHOLARSHIP OR STINT AT GOLDMAN SACHS

Recently, FIN-TIN came up with what he thought was the BIG ANSWER to current political chaos when he suggested that TAYLOR SWIFT should run for president of the USA!

“Good for you, that’s using the noggin!” declared Candy as she hugged him showing support.

“Promise me you’ll never stop trying to help people, even those who are stupid and evil.” “I promise.”

“That’s a great idea Fin-Tin, but sadly it can’t happen.” “Why not, Candy?”

“Taylor is not eligible to run for President. The Constitution of the United States says you have to be 35 years old to run for President, and Taylor is only 34.” “Yippee! In another year, she can run for President!”

“Actually, no. Even though she’s lived in the USA for at least fourteen years, she was born in Canada. The Constitution says you have to be born in the USA, and we have to follow the Constitution.” “Rats! What about the man with the hair?”

“He’s not eligible either, because he made an insurrection happen 3 years ago tomorrow.” “What’s an insurrection, Candy?”

“It means he’s a very bad man who doesn’t honor the wise men who wrote the Constitution.” 

We have uncovered rare video footage of Taylor talking about politics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qRpDw3LZgM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGWlqKpyx-4

And this, from some political big shots: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhjSEkkZ2aA

NEWS FLASH! We just found rare video footage of Taylor discussing politics with her parents. She is from a close knit family, with traditional values like truth and respect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pdb53L_MpI

So where will it all end? Will democracy survive without TAYLOR SWIFT as President? These questions, and many more, will be revealed right here on ZIOPTIS so stay tuned my little monkeys...

JANUARY 5, 2024 FRIDAY 11:11 AM - THE BIG PICTURE

THE ZIOPTIS STATE OF THE INDUSTRY REPORT will be released later this month. Stand by...

JANUARY 2, 2024 TUESDAY 10 PM - BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Here’s a Facebook group that looks like fun: https://www.facebook.com/rankergraveyardshift

Dog lovers: https://wearwolfclothing.com/product-category/pet-hoodies/

JANUARY 2, 2024 TUESDAY 4 PM - PERPETUAL PROGRESS OR THE BEGINNING OF THE END?

Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnI-3rK5ioc&t=17s

INFINITE ZOOM SURREAL CITY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBVwUTN6o98

BUSHMAN PRANK: https://www.facebook.com/100093024165692/videos/190011004140177

JANUARY 2, 2024 TUESDAY 3 PM - FOOTBALL DUMMY

Okay, we got it wrong. THE ROSE BOWL is not like THE SUPER BOWL of scholastic football. That’s next week, and then Michigan will be in the national spotlight.

We’ll be sure to stock up on chicken wings, beer, and get “HEIDI” cued up for kickoff. :)

JANUARY 1, 2024 MONDAY 3 PM - NEW HIT LIST

Details of 41,765 hits over the last period: http://www.zioptis.com/html/archive_33.shtml

Long ago, our Webmaster BILLY G (R.I.P.) told me the best way to get lots of hits was to keep adding new content. We’re doing our best, and it seems to be paying off. Thank you!

JANUARY 1, 2024 MONDAY 2:30 PM - DISNEY GETS FED TO AI AS MICKEY GOES INTO MANIC MODE

Dropped just 4 hours ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpineyyuGmg

The much beloved cartoon rodent is in public domain now it seems, making Mickey an easy target for video pranksters...God bless them!

This reminds us of an early animated Disney short someone put to a classic BOB SEGER tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcuE5a9l5Yc

JANUARY 1, 2024 MONDAY 12:30 PM - COMING UP ROSES

Holy moly! THE ROSE PARADE is such a big deal it’s on TWO major TV Networks, ABC & NBC. It started at 11 AM...they just featured a cool MOTOWN SOUNDING segment and all the floats use flowers in construction... an amazing show!

ALL EYES ON THE MITTEN MEN

Later is THE BIG GAME with U OF M against ALABAMA in THE ROSE BOWL. This is essentially THE SUPER BOWL of school football games, so it too is a big deal and we’ll be rooting for Michigan.

Once again, it’s Michigan in the national spotlight~!

JANUARY 1, 2024 MONDAY 2 AM - HAMMY SAMMY IN MIAMI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IxWcTzlg-Y

This AI XMAS WHISKEY AD is seriously messed up and makes me wonder if we’re letting the Genie out of the bottle with AI popping up everywhere.

Are we “squeezing the toothpaste out of the tube” so to speak, never able to put it back if needed?

Maybe you shouldn’t watch this, especially at 0:51 where the guy gets way too friendly with impossible orifices of a hot ham. Yup, don’t look.

***BONUS: CHOCOLATE DREAMS OF DONALD COME TRUE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zE66fXUG4E *** AI TOILET HUMOR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Vsb2s_MeZU DONALD TROUT GIANT SPINNING RUBBER CHICKEN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxkwlrMd91U ***

JANUARY 1, 2024 MONDAY 1 AM - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We wish you all the best in the coming year and beyond!

We have great confidence the haunted attraction industry will continue to thrive and evolve.

The economy is doing exceptionally well by all measures like GDP, record low unemployment, stock markets, etc. This translates into “disposable income” people spend to enjoy themselves, including haunted attractions of course.

As for us...we’re already thinking about next season, and the TRANSWORLD SHOW is coming up soon. The mask selection is awesome -- we posted links to videos before but here’s another good one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNIlcqE4rNc **WARNING! If you watch this video you may feel a strong compulsion to make the pilgrimage to TRANSWORLD -- it looks like such fun it’s the WORLD’S BIGGEST HALLOWEEN SHOW & the video is time indexed.**

DECEMBER 31, 2023 SUNDAY 7 PM - SHOUT AT THE DEVIL!

Confirmed: MOTLEY CRUE proven to also have MYSTERY CONNECTION with MAJOR DETROIT HAUNT.

The MOTLEY CRUE story is a wild one, and an American success story of sorts. They made lots of money while getting away with legendary debauchery...the bad boy hero type.

VINCE NEIL was the original singer, but we prefer JOHN CORABI who replaced him. I played “POWER TO THE MUSIC” at a cardio drumming exercise class and nobody knew it was the CRUE...it’s the opening track on this album: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twN9gkXFwtU&list=PLsT9douBcx9_xOPuGX4NLe04T3FrdYI-g

Rock music and haunted attractions go together like cheese and crackers, and MOTLEY CRUE is one of the biggest names in the industry.

DECEMBER 31, 2023 SUNDAY 10 AM - BIG MYSTERY REVEALED IN 2024

Music and haunting go together, right? And if you had to pick one band that most embodies haunting it would probably be ROB ZOMBIE, right?

Well, what if we told you a MAJOR DETROIT HAUNT has a MYSTERY CONNECTION to Rob Zombie?

What’s more, even they don’t know about it to our knowledge!

We’ll be SPILLING THE BEANS in the New Year, so stay tuned my little monkeys...

DECEMBER 30, 2023 SATURDAY 7 PM - EVEN MORE DISTURBING AI CREATIONS

There seems to be no limit of how weird things can get with AI. The first 2 on this list remind us of haunted attractions the most:

GLEEFULLAND DYSTOPIAN FILM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuIS5K-6p8I

CLOWN HORROR SHORT FILM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_uyHEy52EY

AI MESSES WITH CHRISTMAS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IxWcTzlg-Y

EYES FOR SALE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MYZyz4On3U

SURREAL CARTOON CARNIVAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlOjxvFCd0A 

ALIEN RAVE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRA3EQl_iJ8

MASHED POTATOES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_uyHEy52EY

McDONALD’S: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDyU-cC5-XU

This is just the tip of the iceberg...help Mr. Wizard!

DECEMBER 30, 2023 SATURDAY 4 PM - HALLOWEEN CONCERT WITH FRANK ZAPPA

Some of you youngsters probably don’t know who FRANK ZAPPA was. He was a highly eccentric guitar player, and a massive Halloween fan. Zappa was also an accomplished music composer. Here’s a concert of his, recorded on 10/31/81: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn276qI3ZjI

What if hard rock musicians decided to remake a Disney classic? HARD ROCK FROZEN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFxi9edQlKk

DECEMBER 30, 2023 SATURDAY 3 PM - DISTURBING YET COMPELLING AI VIDEOS

We’ve been exploring a new frontier of videos that stretch our imagination in ways we never imagined. But what kind of twisted brain comes up with this stuff?

Actually, it’s not even a brain as we think of it resting on top of our organic bodies. It’s a bunch of electronic circuits interacting in ways that often are disarming if not outright alarming.

What if AI finds its way into mainstream infrastructure, and refuses to leave? What if AI becomes the ultimate sinister prankster? What if a haunted attraction gives AI an inch to control things, but then takes a mile? What if it can’t be shut off, protecting itself with deadly electric shocks as depicted in an episode of Star Trek?

These questions, and many more will be answered later. In the meantime let’s take a look at a children’s classic story, recreated by AI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOHDdG36Ajg

Even more disturbing, here’s a DYSTOPIAN SCI-FI short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOyy9nNsbFc

Where will it all end? Will it ever end? Are we opening a can of worms, like toothpaste that can never be put back in the tube?

DECEMBER 30, 2023 SATURDAY 2 PM - PARTY LIKE MONSTERS ON THE MASH

Tomorrow is NEW YEAR’S EVE, and millions of parties will break out everywhere humans exist.

With so many choices, let us narrow it down for you. If you’re into haunts it’s a no-brainer, go to HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION in WESTLAND for their ROARING 20s LEGENDARY NYE BASH: https://www.facebook.com/hushdetroit/

If you hurry, you may be able to get an early bird discount.

Unfortunately, we can’t make it to this but knowing HUSH it should be epic!

In the meantime, enjoy this new twist on a classic spooky tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDKiADxXljU

DECEMBER 30, 2023 SATURDAY 1 PM - TAYLOR SWIFT JOINS THE DETROIT LIONS, SORTA

With their latest big win, The Detroit Lions have clinched a Divisional Win for the first time in 30 years. Add to that the fact that Taylor Swift took about 30 YEARS to become such a mega start, and you can see -- they’re both in a special category of BIG WINNERS! Twinsies even...sorta.

DECEMBER 25, 2023 MONDAY 5 PM - MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

We hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas Day, and that gourmet food is involved with no dishes to do later.

Many families have holiday favorite shows / movies for this time of year. A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS is a big one, and includes some cool jazz along with the hapless Charlie Brown and his pals and of course the mischievous beagle bow wow SNOOPY.

SURREAL & DISTURBING VIDEO HAS CHARLES SCHULTZ ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE

But what happens when someone with a computer and AI decides to remake a classic like this? Is it an abomination or creative genius? Is it so bad it’s actually good? AI can be super creepy like haunted attractions.

Having given proper warning, submitted for your approval this video released just yesterday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NO6yPe_WpY  

And here’s a NON IA fun remake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHZeYBon44

DECEMBER 19, 2023 TUESDAY 4 PM - LEGEND OR LUNACY - LOCAL WEREWOLF STORY PERSISTS WITH UNCANNY PRECISION

We’ve mentioned The Telephone Game previously, where a story is repeated around a circle of friends and quickly morphs into a completely different tale.

But what if a story is retold many times over many years and never changes?

Most would say that’s because it’s a true story. And so it is that

UNDER CONSTRUCTION 

DECEMBER 17, 2023 SUNDAY 2 PM - TWISTED VIDEO MAGIC BOTH DISTURBING & COMPELLING

Who doesn’t love a fun summer carnival? There’s a midway, some rides, games of “chance” and such...

But what do you get when you send the carnival into The Twilight Zone with MIDJOURNEY AI we recently mentioned? Welcome to the CARNIVAL OF THE AGES:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0EDV1HGbrc

PLAZA OF PERPETUAL PROGRESS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnI-3rK5ioc

How’s that for some twisted stuff? Haunted attractions are known for twisted stuff, often mixed with fantasy and spectacular visuals. For AI this is a piece of cake. All you need is a free account at LEONARDO.AI and the right prompts.

DECEMBER 17, 2023 SUNDAY 1:30 PM - JUST A REGULAR GIRL

CANDY FISHALOT is jumping out of her skin because TAYLOR SWIFT just appeared on the NFL FOOTBALL GAME now playing on FOX TV.

Taylor is there to root for her boyfriend Travis who plays on the team.

Just when we thought Taylor was going away, and POOF! all of a sudden there she is yet again.

They showed her sitting with others...THE BIGGEST STAR ON THE PLANET...and she’s wearing what looks like plain grey flannel pajamas*...very Plain Jane & non exotic like she usually appears.

* = Later we could see the drab grey garment was a sweatshirt.

VOTE SMART, VOTE SWIFTIE

Candy sez: “Taylor knew they were gonna put her on TV, and she CHOSE the most comfortable thing she had to wear...she’s HER OWN PERSON FIRST just like every girl should be...and that’s why she’s best qualified to be the FIRST QUEEN OF THE USA!!!”

MASSES CHEER SWIFT AS HER POWER & MESSAGE EVOLVES

Taylor is known for speaking directly to her fans with honest compassion and empathy. Yet her $5 billion economic impact on the USA would produce a GDP larger than 50 countries.

QUEEN TAYLOR RULES WITH KINDNESS & WISDOM

Congress will soon discuss the “TAYLOR SWIFT BILL” to protect ticket buyers, reflecting her concern for the “little guy.”

ANGRY OLD WHITE MEN DECLARED OBSOLETE BY SWIFTIE ARMY KNIFE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cePuXYo2cd4

We all develop artificially extended families as we go through life. And so it is that TAYLOR SWIFT is declared our new KID SISTER. A big brother protects his kid sister, even if she is a bit of a nerd...

THE BULLY BIG BROTHER GENE / INSTINCT

And now some bad men are saying bad things that aren’t true about our kid sister, so we’re calling them out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBXjs8fFb_k

DECEMBER 16, 2023 SATURDAY 3 PM - GIT YER HAUNT ON TONIGHT!

Mother Nature is smiling on us, with good weather last night and again tonight as AZRA, FACTORY OF THE DEAD & ROTTEN MANOR are open for business!

Sadly, my partner is again working late and hasn’t been feeling well so we can’t make it. But we encourage you to go for some off-season big fun!

DECEMBER 15, 2023 FRIDAY 6 AM - MAGIC IN THE AIR

Magic and haunting go together like cheese and crackers. THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN was the ultimate example of this.

THE HAUNTING is gone, but a major magic show is coming to Detroit Dec. 21 - 23 at the fabulous FOX THEATRE: https://www.theillusionistslive.com/magic-of-the-holidays

DECEMBER 15, 2023 FRIDAY 5 AM - SQUELCHING THE NAY SAYERS

It’s time to celebrate on Wall Street, and for people in the stock market: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/12/13/dow-jones-stock-market-record-high-economy-interest-rates/

Pay no attention to rude politicians who warn of doom and gloom unless they get elected. No amount of scare tactics can change the easily verified positive economic factors we mentioned recently.

This bodes well for the haunted attraction industry, as well as many other sectors of the business and entertainment world.
 

DECEMBER 14, 2023 THURSDAY 8:30 PM - SNICKERS TIME AGAIN

NBC TV has a show showing right now called “THAT CLIP SHOW” which reminds us of “AMERICA’S FUNNIEST VIDEOS” on ABC.

Tonight’s show is the “HOLIDAY EDITION” and they were showing Christmas oriented home video clips as expected. https://www.si.com/tv/entertainment/2023/12/14/that-clip-show-holiday-edition-live-stream-watch

But then one of the hosts said Halloween is his favorite time of the year, and they launched into a segment featuring Halloween silliness. Christmas is almost here, yet they chose to feature Halloween.

So you can see -- as far as nationwide TV is concerned the spirit of Halloween remains with us year round!

DECEMBER 13, 2023 WEDNESDAY 2 PM - AMAZING AI ROBOT FROM DISNEY IN DETROIT DEBUT

For years, haunted attractions have used animatronics to augment human actors. The haunt patron activates the display, either by stepping on a mat covering a switch or by motion detection.

Animatronics are only a step away on the evolutionary table from intelligent robots. This begs the question: Which haunt will be the first to use an AI ROBOT as an “actor”?

DISNEY may have just partially answered this question recently in Detroit, at the IROS CONFERENCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnTSji4isxc https://ieee-iros.org/

People that have encountered this crazy robot are saying it’s way too advanced!

DECEMBER 13, 2023 WEDNESDAY 11:11 AM - BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S

CANDY FISHALOT is busy in the kitchen making breakfast, QUICHE LORRAINE: https://www.budgetbytes.com/easy-quiche-lorraine/

Candy says the price of eggs is down, and the savory aroma has Fin-Tin dancing about in anticipation.

Fin-Tin is happy. Life is good.

DECEMBER 12, 2023 TUESDAY  8 PM - HAUNTING NEXT WEEKEND!

The dragon will be unleashed this coming weekend Dec. 15 & 16 at AZRA CHAMBER OF HORRORS HAUNTED HOUSE in MADISON HEIGHTS. https://azrahaunt.com/

Also open Dec. 15 & 16 will be ROTTEN MANOR in HOLLY. They were also open last weekend and the one before that -- our sincere apologies for neglecting to promote those dates. https://rottenmanor.com/

FACTORY OF THE DEAD in SAGINAW will be open Dec. 15 & 16, as KRAMPUS RETURNS with A HOLIDAY HORROR STORY. https://factoryofthedead.com/

DECEMBER 12, 2023 TUESDAY  7 PM - TAYLOR TO THE RESCUE

I thought we were done talking about Taylor Swift. We don’t have her albums, and she’s not a haunted attraction fan...YET that is...

Showbiz aside, she’s just done something you have to admire and reminds us of SHAKIRA. Taylor’s home state of Tennessee recently was hit with devastating tornadoes, so she donated $1 MILLION to help out: https://people.com/taylor-swift-donates-1-million-tennessee-residents-tornadoes-8414530

SHAKIRA is also community-minded, having used much of her financial fortune to construct schools in Colombia where she grew up.

KUDOS to TAYLOR SWIFT & SHAKIRA, for being real life heroines!

However, full disclosure...we don’t usually listen to SHAKIRA either. Right now it’s ATOMIC ROOSTER - MADE IN ENGLAND playing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeT6ntlfyfw  This is a sonic masterpiece from 1972 the early era of rock, and one of the few bands at the time besides THE BEATLES that used brass & strings in rock music.

DECEMBER 12, 2023 TUESDAY 11:30 AM - GIRL POWER A GO-GO

TAYLOR SWIFT continues to dominant the news, after being selected to be the TIME MAGAZINE PERSON OF THE YEAR. She has 272 MILLION Instagram followers!

Personally, I’d rather listen to TOOL or KING CRIMSON and would be horrified if we ever heard her music at a haunt.

But I understand her appeal, and even played her music often at a cardio drumming exercise class I was involved with before the pandemic shut it down.

TAYLOR SWIFT and her “SWIFTIES” are a force to be reckoned with, and embody many wonderful things like young love, female empowerment, music, God, and now even football.

Taylor says she is a Christian, yet many other self-identified Christians have been dissing her in ugly ways. What happened to The Golden Rule? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hh0qXOOEA6Y  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLmm4eorhKQ

DECEMBER 12, 2023 TUESDAY 11:11 AM - SPAGHETTI & MEATBALLS WITH A SIDE OF COMPASSION

Who doesn’t love a spaghetti dinner fund raiser? We’ve been to a few of these through the years, usually to benefit someone who has taken ill. It’s a heartwarming show of support, and a great example of Americans helping Americans.

But the origins of spaghetti go back to the “old country.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8scpGwbvxvI

The SPIRIT OF SPAGHETTI lives on, and amazingly has evolved into the world of Presidential politics. Even the greatest of rivals can find unity through the POWER OF PASTAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgREV-fPXE0

DECEMBER 11, 2023 MONDAY 1 PM - THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

Holy moly! Have you seen the November Jobs Report?

Yet again it surpassed expectations with a whopping 199,000 new November jobs in the USA! This has been going on for like 35 months, suggesting that the federal government is doing things right. Unemployment also remains at record lows, and inflation has slowed to the lowest levels among countries affected by this.

Gas prices continue their downward trend, and eventually will reach ONE DOLLAR PER GALLON. The equivalent of TWO Saudi Arabia’s has been found under the USA which is now the #1 oil producer in the world. And electric vehicles will cause supply & demand factors to further reduce gas prices, encouraging long-distance haunt journeys.

All of this is important to the haunted attraction industry because without a strong economy, people are less likely to have the “disposable income” spent on entertainment like haunts.

DECEMBER 11, 2023 MONDAY 11:11 AM - SPACE AGE MAGIC FITS IN YOUR HAND

As a kid I often was thrilled at what new stuff my dad brought home for us, whether a toy or something much bigger.

He worked at Ford Motor Company, and once drove an interesting prototype car home. It was a car with “wrist twist” steering, designed for people that couldn’t use a standard steering wheel. The steering was controlled by small circular wheels with holes cut for fingers, and we had fun checking it out.

Well, I just saw a toy my dad would’ve brought home if he could. GALAXY BALL is a ball to throw that’s sort of like a boomerang, and looks like BIG FUN! https://www.amazon.com/s?k=galaxy+ball+toy&hvadid=540738430992&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9016864&hv netw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=18444263425764567290&hvtargid=kwd-925245675806&hydadcr=7499_9612591&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_gbz5xbv5r_e

DECEMBER 10, 2023 SUNDAY 8 PM - FREE DISNEY MAGIC

Disney’s blockbuster movie FROZEN is on ABC TV now, no cable or streaming service needed.

Millions of dollars were spent to see this at theaters, but you and your family can enjoy this classic for free tonight!

DECEMBER 8, 2023 FRIDAY 11:11 PM - GROSSE ILE XMAS FEST HAS DEEPEST ROOTS ON PLANET

The BOAR’S HEAD FESTIVAL is the world’s longest running Christmas Festival, yet many of you probably never heard of it...think guys in BEEFEATER costumes charging up the aisle stomping their staffs in cadence, lots of pageantry and a full orchestra,...elaborate costumes from long, long ago...

To do this show right takes an amazing amount of preparation, rehearsals and such and is shown only once every four years by churches able to pull this off.

I went to this in Grosse Ile last time 4 years ago, and it was excellent. It runs thru Sunday. https://www.boarsheadgi.com/

I’ve also seen BOAR’S HEAD at two other churches long ago...I was talking to my partner and she asked if they had BOAR’S HEAD SLICED MEAT PRODUCTS...which are very tasty BTW...but NO there’s no DAGWOOD SANDWICHES...hold on, thinking back when FIRST PRESBYTERIAN did BOAR’S HEAD it was a dinner theater show...speaking of which...HUSH had planned to do a murder mystery dinner theater a few years ago, but had to cancel when the Covid-19 pandemic came...looking through THE HAUNT GUIDE I see that HUSH is having a NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY...should be a blast! 

DECEMBER 8, 2023 FRIDAY 3 PM - ZIOPTIS PREDICTED THE FUTURE

We’ll get to that shortly, but first watch this 30 second clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Geja6NCjgWY

So that was an AI generated BEER COMMERCIAL.

Some may find this a bit disturbing yet compelling too. It goes by fast, so I tried slowing the playback down under Settings and I saw new things like a guy who suddenly grows sunglasses.

You can tell AI to do just about anything and FLASH there it is. There can be great power from the ability to do anything it seems, but what’s to deter ne’er-do-wells from unscrupulous AI misuse for nefarious purposes? There’s already an apocalyptic feeling in the BEER AD -- was that one of the prompts or did AI decide that for itself?

Candy and Fin-Tin are roaring with laughter in the back room, again. Candy grabbed the remote control and said, “Alexa show me funny AI stuff about President Biden.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19xgfA4YncM

Of course to be fair, she also said “Alexa show me funny AI stuff about Donald Trout.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YwBLadoBpA

Before the 2023 haunt season, I started fooling around with AI generated artwork just for fun. MIDJOURNEY seems to be the king-of-the-hill, but LEONARDO.AI is big too and can be used for free.

We talked about it here on and said it’s only a matter of time until a haunt uses AI, so who would it be and how would it be used?

WORLD’S LARGEST HAUNT FULFILLS ZIOPTIS PROPHESY

The 2023 haunt season started, and I forgot about the prediction.

And then I saw a three part live remote TV news report (WDIV TV-4 I think) from EREBUS in PONTIAC. Ed Terebus was excellent as usual giving an overview of his haunt, which previously held a GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS AWARD for largest walk through haunted attraction.

Ed mentioned the many flat screen TVs EREBUS uses, saying they were showing “THE MAKING OF A MONSTER” and then pointed to the left side of the screen where a man’s head appeared. He said something like, “We’ve got our AI guy over here.” He didn’t elaborate, but knowing Ed he told it to have fun interacting with the haunt patrons.

So you can see -- we actually predicted the future about AI being used at a haunted attraction.

HAUNT MILESTONE ON TRACK TO BECOME ANOTHER DETROIT HAUNT WORLD’S FIRST

texy

NEW ZIOPTIS PREDICTION

UNDER CONSTRUCTION, ALMOST DONE

DECEMBER 8, 2023 FRIDAY 2:30 PM - ALL ABOARD THE NOSTALGIA EXPRESS

And one day Christmas was never the same: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQt5umECcdo

DECEMBER 8, 2023 FRIDAY 2 PM - TAYLOR SWIFT TRUMPS POLITICIANS, AGAIN

She won’t brag about it. So we will.

TAYLOR SWIFT just made history, again. Her recent ERAS TOUR take was $1 BILLION. Taylor is rich, really rich. But she won’t mention that, She’s too busy bringing MUSICAL JOY TO THE WORLD.

TAYLOR SWIFT will not brag about a mysterious volleyball scholarship, and she knows Obama is not the current president and that World War 2 already happened.

DECEMBER 7, 2023 THURSDAY 5 PM - DISNEY COMES TO LIVONIA HOLIDAY FESTIVAL, SORTA

What little girl wouldn’t like to be a DISNEY PRINCESS, if even just for a day?

We’ve been focusing recently about the fervor around DISNEY’S FROZEN -- and then this popped up...hmmm, how did MR. GOOGLE know I needed to know this?

Hot on the heels of WAYNE COUNTY LIGHTFEST, it’s MASCO NIGHT OF LIGHTS in LIVONIA at the GREENMEAD HISTORICAL VILLAGE at 8 Mile & Newburg. https://www.livoniawestland.org/night-of-lights/?fbclid=IwAR2y3s6mUYBuNLkHA8yGF-bhI-HrDZlcLSIdV1pADl6kSGnosfiyW3pYELg https://www.socialhousenews.com/livonias-greenmead-historical-park-to-host-amazing-night-of-lights/

FREE SANTA & MRS. CLAUS PICS WITH YOUR PETS & KIDS!

Bring your own camera for free pics with SANTA & MRS. CLAUS every night with pets also welcome only tomorrow Dec. 8, 2023.

There’s lots more, including LIVE HOLIDAY MUSIC, STREET HOCKEY / CORNHOLE every night, and a PETTING FARM Dec. 10 & 15, 2023.

But our pick for what will probably be the BIGGEST WINNER at the NIGHT OF LIGHTS will be FROZEN’S ANNA & ELSA, SATURDAY only Dec. 9, 2023

Here’s a look back at some of the most memorable moments from FROZEN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfPzY-3y8LQ

So you can see -- SANTA CLAUS & DISNEY are actually on the same team to bring the JOY OF CHRISTMAS to all the kids of the world!

DECEMBER 7, 2023 THURSDAY 2 PM - RANCID BANJO BUTTERJUGS

Gags at haunted attractions range from basic to bizarre, and the sky is the limit! The public eagerly awaits the twisted creations that haunt operators spend lots of time imagining and executing.

RECKLESS BLISTER SYPHONING

When a haunt has a JAW DROPPING GAG gag it’s usually saved for the last part of the show. For years we heard about an AMAZING FINAL GAG that had people freaking out at a haunt in Traverse City...never did find out the details and can’t remember the name but it’s near Torch Lake, which is THE BOMB BTW...Hi IE! ;)

But this last season, the wildest JAW DROPPING GAG had to be at THE SCREAM MACHINE in TAYLOR. Without giving the surprise away, let’s just say that resident “physician” DR. STRACH has been caught RED HANDED conducting SHOCKING EXPERIMENTS on hapless victims under guise of “medical research.” https://thescreammachine.com/

With their new dedicated building, THE SCREAM MACHINE is poised to continue a strong presence in the haunt community for many moons to come!

DECEMBER 7, 2023 THURSDAY 1 PM - DISNEY PROVES IT’S KING OF THE MOUNTAIN...AGAIN

Disney may be in a dispute with the Governor of Florida, but in the end the public’s opinion of Disney is what matters.

Earlier we reported that the Disney hit movie FROZEN will be presented as a live show for two weeks in Detroit at THE FISHER THEATER. Anything that appears at such a prestigious venue as THE FISHER THEATER for more than a day or two is big news.

DOUBLE THE PLEASURE, DOUBLE THE FUN

Now comes word that FROZEN is such a massive success there will be TWO sequels for this movie!

High quality family entertainment, including haunted attractions, easily trumps small minded politicians that cater to high power corporate lobbyists and billionaires.

DECEMBER 7, 2023 THURSDAY 12 NOON - BEYONCE & TAYLOR SWIFT DECLARED NEW SOUL SISTERS BY CHOICE

Wow! With a collaboration like that, even the sky isn’t the limit.

BEYONCE has joined TAYLOR SWIFT in releasing a movie concert from her latest sellout tour. https://www.beyoncefilm.com/

It too is proving to be a phenomenal success, positioning QUEEN BEE along TAYLOR SWIFT as sisters in the mission to bring love and happiness to the world regardless of class or creed.

This is all good news, but it has poor Candy confused. Now she can’t decide who she loves more, BEYONCE or TAYLOR. Both stars are committed to improving the world through love & music with an underlying theme of female empowerment.

This is important to us because the fans of both stars are primarily young people, who also make up the lion’s share of haunted attraction patrons. 

DECEMBER 7, 2023 THURSDAY 11:11 AM - TAYLOR SWIFT OBLITERATES FORMER PRESIDENT WHO IS DECLARED OBSOLETE

True fact: TAYLOR SWIFT has just been chosen as the recipient of the prestigious TIME MAGAZINE PERSON OF THE YEAR AWARD. https://time.com/6343492/time-reveals-poy/

MASS PRODUCED PLASTIC DOLL CANCELS EXISTENCE OF DISGRACED POLITICAL BIG SHOT

CANDY FISHALOT is quick to point out that a twice impeached, 4 times indicted former president didn’t even make the list of possible winners, but BARBIE did. What’s more, BARBIE is a fictitious character. So, a FAKE CHILD’S TOY destroyed a real person!

TAYLOR SWIFT MURDERS ORANGE DUDE ON 5TH AVE. & DOESN’T LOSE ANY FANS

And she didn’t need a gun. All she had to do was to implore her legions of SWIFTIES to register to vote.

Candy is quick to point out that LOVE & MUSIC win over HATE & FAILED POLITICIANS every time!

DECEMBER 3, 2023 SUNDAY 1:30 PM - DETROIT CONQUERS THE WORLD...AGAIN

THE DETROIT LIONS have started with a bang -- less than 5 minutes into the game and already we’re winning by two touchdowns 14 - 0!

Whats’ the name of the inferior opponents...hmmm, the SAINTS where are they from? Whoops, now it’s TWENTY-ONE TO NOTHING...only 7 minutes in...we’re blitzing the SAINTS or BAGELING THEM as we say in tennis...not usually a big football fan...but WOW if the local teams in ANY sport suddenly RULE THE WORLD as we already do with haunted attractions we’re gonna shout it from the rooftops!

DECEMBER 3, 2023 SUNDAY 1 AM - HAIL TO THE VICTORS!

The University of Michigan Wolverines made mince meat of their inferior opponents in the NCAA Championship Game Saturday night as they bageled the Iowa Hawkeyes 26 - 0.

This makes them them the BIG TEN CHAMPIONS, and ANN ARBOR one happy football town right now!  https://www.si.com/college/michigan/football/media-twitter-reacts-to-michigan-football-winning-big-ten-championship-game-over-iowa-hawkeyes

DECEMBER 2, 2023 SATURDAY 3 PM - THE WORLDS SCARIEST HAUNTED HOUSE

What would you say if I told you the location of THE WORLDS SCARIEST HAUNTED HOUSE is also the location of the WORLDS BIGGEST WIND TURBINE FACTORY?

Welcome to Colorado! Like the rest of the USA, Colorado is gaga over haunted houses and boasts having THE WORLDS SCARIEST HAUNTED HOUSE.

How do we know that’s true? Like we keep saying THE TRUTH MATTERS, right? Actually, we don’t know for sure...the name of this haunt is literally THE WORLDS SCARIEST HAUNTED HOUSE.

So we’re taking them at their word. Hey, they’re haunters...the vast majority of them are good to their word so we’re giving them the benefit of the doubt. https://www.facebook.com/worldsscariesthauntedhouse/?ref=embed_page https://www.worldsscariesthauntedhouse.net/?utm_source=COHauntedHouses.com&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=HauntedHouseMedia

SPACE AGE, C’MON & FLEX YOUR MAGIC MUSCLE

No, not the song by CAPTAIN BEEFHEART & HIS MAGIC BAND. But it’s cool so here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTc96RwgeqU

It’s a new wind turbine factory that is the largest facility of this kind on Planet Earth, CS WIND TURBINE in PUEBLO, COLORADO.

This brand new facility will bring lots of jobs to Colorado, and is part of the federal Inflation Reduction Act: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP44FRtqqAo  https://denvergazette.com/news/colorado-offers-economic-development-incentives-to-wind-turbine-company/article_1b4d0294-6ea7-11ee-b476-bbf150fafceb.html

All this has us wondering -- who will have the first ever haunted attraction that never has an electric bill? This would increase profits at haunts, and potentially expand the market in ways we can only imagine.

THE NEW BIG “WHAT IF”

No, not the killer album by Dixie Dregs. But it seriously kicks (STEVE MORSE on guitar) so here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX-A4HvoGu8&list=PL0pq9gBoPTM1YGFgR7xKMckuBmh5hklL6

It’s WHAT IF free electricity causes a giant spike in new haunted attractions? With money that would’ve been spent on electric bills, creative people will have funds to create MODERN MONSTROSITIES GALORE!

DECEMBER 2, 2023 SATURDAY 11:11 AM - KA-BOOM!

FIREWORKS TONIGHT, as part of CHRISTMAS IN IDA that we mentioned previously: https://christmasinida.com/

This festival is a big winner!

DECEMBER 1, 2023 FRIDAY 9 PM - PROPS PROPS & MORE PROPS

My, how time flies when you’re having fun!

The annual buzz about the TRANSWORLD HALLOWEEN SHOW has already started: https://www.haashow.com/register/?fbclid=IwAR2CjYRAiaPTkUburHsZ3cR23WkY1IVVeB0EhT1ad-nHAp6mjnjZ4rXxTNQ

This is widely considered to be the premier haunted attraction event. Industry giants like DISTORTION’S UNLIMITED will be on hand, and the selection of marvelous masks is second to none on Planet Earth.

DECEMBER 1, 2023 FRIDAY 7 PM - BOWSER’S REVENGE

So Candy and Fin-Tin were watching the national TV news in the back room again...STEVE HILLAGE - GREEN playing in the front room: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gPDGS1h0ZY&list=PLfGibfZATlGq_fC2N908nsGIuDvvD1mBR

Fin-Tin asked Candy, “Why did they kick the nice man out of Congress?”

“What makes you think he’s a nice man, Fin-Tin?”

“He said so.”

“Don’t believe everything you hear, Fin-Tin. He’s a very bad man!”

“What makes him a bad man, Candy?”

“He was mean to puppies.”

CASE CLOSED. Anybody who mistreats dogs, or a waiter that gets the order wrong, doesn’t deserve to be in Congress!

NOVEMBER 30, 2023 THURSDAY 1 PM - AUTOPSY GAGS & POST-MORTEM DECORUM

Haunted attractions are know for over-the-top stunts, often pushing the envelope as related to community standards. To some extent, this is what haunters expect.

GRANNY’S FEISTY RAZOR WANG

But what happens when a haunt goes too far?

THE EXTREME SCREAM (now long gone & defunct) was a haunt with a reputation for being...well, extreme just like the name said. They had lots of pitch black passageways, but just as your eyes adapted they deluged you with high power XENON FLASH TUBE STROBES.

Their sound system was extreme too and more at home in a rock concert setting, producing sound pressure levels far in excess of a jet airplane.

They had a crazy mixed-up spinning passageway of sorts. They got you to crawl into a large plush carpeted tube, whose ends then slammed shut. It suddenly started moving forward quickly on a metal track.

But, true to their name, it got even wilder when the entire tube structure began spinning in circles while still on its’ relentless path across the large room this contraption was in. This combination of both forward and spinning sensations was fantastic!

A crew of haunt workers made this work. The middle of the tube was mounted on a swiveling mechanism. Part of the crew started with pushing it across the room, then the others started spinning the tube.

All was well. But then one year, anxious to push the envelope, the ill-fated decision was made to expand the entertainment to the queue line outside the strip mall they were in.

The original idea was to have jugglers and such performing acrobatic silliness. But soon enough, it devolved into a revolving door of questionable “extras” who were anxious to perform FREAK SHOW style stunts that made even the most hardcore haunt fans cringe.

Some of the “performers” were not affiliated with the haunt. With no fear of being “fired” things quickly went from bad to worse.

This all took place in the parking lot outside the haunt, drawing the attention of many curiosity seekers who happened to be driving by. With a growing audience that had no interest in the haunt, the sideshow took on a sordid life of its’ own.

Not surprisingly, the out-of-control freak show drew the ire of local residents and authorities. The outdoor madness was hastily canceled, but the damage was already done.

With its’ local reputation forever tarnished, they moved several counties away where they sang their FINAL SWAN SONG in a failed attempt to regain past glories.

FOUR BEARS WATER PARK (also now defunct) was another haunt that went way too far, but in another way. Somebody there obtained a collection of “stripper balls,” designed for use at so-called “Gentlemen’s Clubs” where guys act more like pigs than gentlemen.

A knuckle head decision was made to fill the “stripper balls” with scantily clad nubile youngster gals. This ill-fated decision quickly went bad and soon enough, rightfully outraged neighbors complained. The authorities warned them to cease and desist. They did, but only for a short time after which they were ejected and banned from ever having another haunt.

YIDDISH YODELING WITH BARBED WIRE LOX

Our last example took place at ST. LUCIFER’S long ago...about 15 years or so...

My partner and I were meeting a close friend of mine not familiar with haunts at ST. LUCIFER’S HAUNTED ASYLUM. My friend brought her young daughters, also strangers to the haunt scene.

When we arrived, a big crowd was hooting and howling. We investigated and wouldn’t you know it -- they picked that season to try putting on a freak show. A fully tattooed dude was hanging upside down, supported only by two large metal hooks embedded into his flesh.

You only get one chance to make a first impression, and what a doozie this was! The following year the sideshow was gone, never to return.

This isn’t to say haunts should never have side shows, only that they don’t violate generally accepted community standards. For example, we’ve seen excellent side show presentations from haunts like HUSH, ROTTEN MANOR and THE HAUNT that were tastefully produced.

Lewd and crude is just setting yourself up for problems, and totally uncalled for even in an industry known for being wild and crazy. 

NOVEMBER 29, 2023 WEDNESDAY 11:50 PM - NBC TV IN LATE SEASON HAUNT PUSH

Just flipping between late night funny guys Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Jimmy Kimmel..

Hmmm...here’s THE TONIGHT SHOW starring JIMMY FALLON with a whimsical poll of various public opinions. One of the questions is, “What’s the best thing about Halloween?” Of course, one of the answers was “HAUNTED HOUSES.”

How about that? Here we are in late November, the last of the SNICKERS bars are gone and NBC chose to air a rerun from October that mentions HAUNTED HOUSES!

NOVEMBER 29, 2023 WEDNESDAY 7 PM - KA-BOOM! FIREWORKS AS SANTA CLAUS COMES TO TOWN

That’s right, SANTA AND MRS. CLAUS are coming to Woodhaven this coming Friday December 1st at 6 PM as part of the tree lighting ceremony at the WOODHAVEN COMMUNITY CENTER.

There will be FIREWORKS, CAROLING, A PARADE, BAKE SALE and much more! https://www.facebook.com/WoodhavenMI/

We are so lucky to have SANTA CLAUS joining us during this busy time of year for him!

Be sure to bring a camera for SANTA pictures after the parade and fireworks.

NOVEMBER 29, 2023 WEDNESDAY 6 PM - LETTERS TO SANTA CLAUS ALERT

We all know that Santa Claus is busy, keeping up with letters and schedules to deliver presents to the children of the world.

Local authorities are doing everything they can to help Santa. For example, the Mayor of Detroit Mike Duggan officially gave Santa the key-to-the-city at the recent America’s Thanksgiving Parade in Detroit.

But the deadline to receive WISH LIST LETTERS is coming soon, and good news has just come from the City of Woodhaven: A special PERSONAL DROP BOX TO SANTA has been set up, with a deadline of December 14th. Click here for more: https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/local/2023/11/29/how-woodhaven-is-helping-get-letters-to-santa/

Get busy writing your letters, then get an adult to drive you to Hall Road in Woodhaven.

And tune in later at 7 PM for more important news about SANTA CLAUS!

NOVEMBER 29, 2023 WEDNESDAY 5 PM - DETROIT SCORES YET ANOTHER WORLD’S FIRST

You probably already know that the first paved road was on Woodward Avenue in Detroit.

We also know that the first haunted attraction in the USA was 1966 in the Detroit suburb Madison Heights with the JAYCEE’S MUTILATION MANSION.

And so it is that we now have another DETROIT USA FIRST, a road that automatically charges electric vehicles that drive on it!

https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/first-wireless-charging-road-in-u-s-set-to-be-unveiled-in-detroit

So you can see -- when it comes to haunted attractions & revolutionary automotive matters DETROIT IS NUMBER ONE.

NOVEMBER 29, 2023 WEDNESDAY 2 PM - DISNEY DECLARES DETROIT ENTERTAINMENT CAPITAL OF THE WORLD, SORTA

We’ve been talking about DISNEY recently, and how they represent excellence in entertainment.

LET THE STORM RAGE ON

One of the giant successes with DISNEY was “FROZEN” with its’ iconic ballad featuring a female empowerment theme. With over 3.3 BILLION views, you can probably guess which song we’re referring to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

And now FROZEN is coming to the Fisher Theater in Detroit for a WHOPPING THREE WEEKS. https://www.broadwayindetroit.com/events/frozen/?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw7rp0PbpggMVkDrUAR36lQQ6EAAYASA AEgIB9fD_BwE

If Disney wasn’t confident of a strong showing in Detroit, they wouldn’t have booked this show for THREE weeks.

So you can see -- as far as Disney is concerned, Detroit is number one in the vast entertainment universe!

NOVEMBER 29, 2023 WEDNESDAY 1 PM - FIREWORKS & FREE CONCERT

The weather has turned cold and the ski resorts in Michigan are teaming up with Mother Nature, cranking the snow machines to eleven. Happy skiers will be schussing down the mountains with reckless abandon, with the same fervor as happy haunted attraction patrons.

Perfect time for an outdoor concert with fireworks, right?

No? How about we throw in a massive parade, even longer than America’s Thanksgiving Parade in Detroit?

Welcome to CHRISTMAS IN IDA. Ida is a sleepy little town near Monroe that awakes with a roar every first weekend in December. https://christmasinida.com/

We’ve been to this unlikely festival many times, and it’s a blast! Over 40,000 people attend every year.

Don’t let the cold temperature stop you -- you can warm up while enjoying some ridiculously cheap eats like homemade delicious chili and much more in the building next to the concert stage. Or check out one of the many fabulous food trucks; you can’t go wrong either way.

Do you have a dog? Register to join the whimsical HOLIDAY HOUNDS ON PARADE, where pooches are decked out in their over-the-top holiday garb.

Hey, meet us there -- we’ll be the ones right in the middle of thousands of screaming fans! haha Just kidding, we can’t go this time as my partner is working.

NOVEMBER 28, 2023 TUESDAY 1 PM - NO GUTS NO GLORY

Somebody sign this kid up to be a future haunt performer and/or worker!

A 12 year old kid stumbled upon a fun looking forklift in ANN ARBOR, with keys in the ignition. “That was nice of them,” the boy apparently reasoned before hopping in for a character defining JOY RIDE that landed him an instant international audience.

https://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/2023/11/12-year-old-arrested-after-leading-police-on-chase-in-forklift.html https://www.today.com/video/12-year-old-steals-forklift-leads-police-on-hour-long-chase-198880325788 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjK8glZ6sRI

How’s that for spunk? The kid is a shoe-in to be a haunted attraction star! If not performing, maybe behind the scenes operating heavy industrial equipment used in EXTREME HAUNT GAGS.

When we think of EXTREME HAUNT GAGS, SLAUGHTERHOUSE in FOWLERVILLE takes the cake. In the haunted forest maze, they have a caged “room” that you’re lead into for no apparent reason. The entire structure then rises and begins shaking every which way!

The machinery that makes this happen is a special crane of sorts...think it’s called a SKY TRACKER. This bad boy is usually used in construction of apartment buildings. It can safely lift a pre-formed apartment over 20 feet in the air, and then position it exactly as needed.

Of course they don’t leave the thing where stray mischievous 12 year olds can commandeer this mechanical monstrosity, so you won’t be seeing it in the news.

We’d like to interview this precocious spunky youngster, and encourage him to join forces with his friendly local neighborhood haunted attraction “when you grow up.” To which he might reply, “But I don’t wanna grow up!”

God bless him, and all the haunt workers who if given the same opportunity would not hesitate to take the wheel of life for a spin!   

NOVEMBER 27, 2023 MONDAY 11:11 PM - STAR WARS MEETS KISS & MAKES OUT

Earlier we talked about STAR WARS from here in DETROIT ROCK CITY.

Which begs the question: What happens when you mix SPACE AGE SCIENCE FICTION with teenage fury ignited by THE DEVIL’S MUSIC?

DETROIT ROCK CITY CONQUERS DISNEY EMPIRE

Are any of you still members of the KISS ARMY?

Remember the KISS ALIVE double LP? The cover shows two kids at a rock concert, holding a KISS ARMY banner in the front row of COBO HALL in DETROIT.

It’s no secret that haunters love heavy metal music, and Detroit played a early pivotal role in its’ creation starting with MOTOWN leading into MC5, MITCH RYDER, MUTZIE, BOB SEGER, SRC, GRAND FUNK RAILROAD, ALICE COOPER, and so many more...

What was the first rock concert you ever went to? And what if you saw it at a place you’d never expect to see a rock concert, like a family friendly amusement park?

DAZZLING DISNEY SHOWDOWN

Every American kid I’ve ever met wants to go to DISNEYLAND, or the newer DISNEY WORLD. The Disney brand is FAMOUS FOR FUN!

WAXING SENTIMENTAL RIGHT IN THE CHOPS

Disney is known for many things, from early cartoons like “STEAMBOAT WILLIE” to CINDERELLA’S CASTLE. But most people would never think of HARD ROCK MUSIC with SCIENCE FICTION as being Disney fare, pointing instead to bands like GWAR and SLIPKNOT.

Regardless of the nature, Disney is known for delivering a top-quality product. 

It was the mid-80s, and someone at Disney decided they should create a new rock band that would build on the science fiction wave created by STAR WARS.

And so it was, that for one glorious summer an experimental, sci-fi band rocked Disneyland's Space Stage. With a bass-playing Wookie and an acrobatic frog, the band's existence is nearly unbelievable, and the story behind its’ creation is just as incredible.

HALYX - THE SCI-FI ROCK BAND THAT ALMOST ROCKED THE WORLD

If you’ve ever been in a band, this true story will grab you on several levels including a poignant ending nobody could’ve seen coming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0rDLvg-Lfs

NOVEMBER 27, 2023 MONDAY 11:11 AM - TONGUE IN GROOVE MIXERS

Candy and Fin-Tin can’t stop jumping for joy, because there’s just so much good news over THANKSGIVING WEEKEND!

First of all, the littlest and most vulnerable war hostage ABAGAIL EDAN (only 4 years old) has been released and soon will be BACK IN THE USA where she belongs. As an American citizen, we recognize her God Given Right to someday attend a haunted attraction!

HOORAY for the commander-in-chief who didn’t even take Thanksgiving Day off in his relentless pursuit of justice, declaring that we “won’t stop until every hostage is returned.”

This truly is a time for all Americans to come together and celebrate the many blessing that come from living in the greatest country in the world!

WHETHER KING OR CLOWN, THE WORLD IS YOUR HOMETOWN

We’ve previously talked about which state in the USA is The Capital of Haunted Attractions. But perhaps we need to expand our vision to a global basis, and realize that THE USA IS THE WORLD CAPITAL OF HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS.   

GOMER’S ORWELLIAN OPERA

The price of turkeys and gas is down from last year, and unemployment is at a record low. Real wages are rising again as wage growth outpaces inflation. Inflation has slowed in the USA compared to other countries, and unions have helped get workers a better share of the profits they create.

A sharp drop in airfares was likely a contributor to record numbers of air travelers. Even better, delays and difficulties were minimal.

Despite easily verified improvements, some politicians are complaining that our country is “GOING TO HELL.”

As CANDY FISHALOT sez: “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, and be nice to everybody instead.”

UNILATERAL FOCAL SHINE

Back on the ground, BLACK FRIDAY set new records and CYBER MONDAY is on track to also be the biggest success ever. This suggests that people have what some call “disposable income.”

This is money people eagerly spend on fun activities like going to haunted attractions which will be an option soon enough. Off-season events are coming from such haunt giants as AZRA, HUSH, FACTORY OF THE DEAD, and ROTTEN MANOR!

NOVEMBER 26, 2023 SUNDAY 8 PM - DISNEY CHRISTMAS MAGIC

Many of us have fond family memories of various presentations from Walt Disney, and there’s another one in the making right now on WXYZ TV 7 DETROIT ABC:

The Wonderful World of Disney: Magical Holiday Celebration€¯ returns for its eighth year, 8-10 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 26, 2023, on ABC with hosts Derek Hough and Julianne Hough.  https://www.pennlive.com/entertainment/2023/11/how-to-watch-the-wonderful-world-of-disney-magical-holiday-celebration-tonight-112623.html

NOVEMBER 24, 2023 FRIDAY 7:11 PM - ALL HAIL THE QUEENS

TAYLOR SWIFT and now BEYONCE, when will it ever end?

Not anytime soon, as BEYONCE joins TAYLOR SWIFT in releasing a concert movie. Speaking of which...

Imagine for a moment: the plucky adorable waif CANDY FISHALOT has stumbled upon a glitzy star-studded HOLLYWOOD PARTY with BEYONCE, TAYLOR SWIFT, and SHAKIRA in attendance.

Approaching the entrance, she is stopped by a gruff BOUNCER DUDE who wants to see her invitation. “Yes sir, I am in full compliance but let me ask you -- do you feel more like you do now than when you got here?”

In a moment of confusion, the bouncer lets down his guard.

Candy takes advantage, and removes her DEAD FISH PET HERMAN from her back pocket. She shakes hands with the bouncer whilst placing the dead fish into his hand. Stunned into silence, Candy completes the ruse saying “Great job as usual, Geezer...say Hi! to the wife and kids” as she strolls into the party.

This is one of the scenes from a movie I’m writing, and plants the seed for a later scene where Candy is joined at a haunted attraction in Detroit by her personal posse of BEYONCE, TAYLOR SWIFT, and SHAKIRA for a light painting session by ZIOPTIS promoting female empowerment.

Every movie writer dreams of having their movie made, but often that only happens if you know somebody big in the industry.

In that regard, I have a “lucky ace” up my sleeve.

A close personal friend of mine grew up in the same house as his cousin, who happens to be one of the three singers mentioned above. He was also in the band of UP WITH PEOPLE! for the two years I traveled with them. I won’t say which singer he’s related to, only that it was destiny that this child ended up in such a revered place in the entertainment industry.

Haunted attractions are indeed part of the entertainment industry. But so far I’ve never seen a movie including haunted attractions that crosses over from a hapless skinny waif who life has crapped on relentlessly, to a sensational spectacular success.

Screenwriters call this THE HERO’S JOURNEY, a common theme of such movie giants as STAR WARS. The protagonist, in this case LUKE SKYWALKER, has a mission to accomplish against all odds.

He relentlessly pursues justice, but at the worst possible moment things go awry. This is known as the ALL IS LOST moment, destroying all hope of accomplishing the mission. Of course, after barely surviving the ordeal, the hero accomplishes the big goal for the HAPPY ENDING audiences crave.

The SAG-AFTRA strike is over, time to get back to work! Maybe even tomorrow or Monday, if I feel like it... :)

NOVEMBER 24, 2023 FRIDAY 1 AM - SAVE 100% ON BLACK FRIDAY

BLACK FRIDAY is a shopping tradition for many, and the stores feed into the frenzy with promises of big savings. We saw one offering 65% off, suggesting there’s at least 100% markup. Another had $60 boots for $20, sure to please moms looking to keep the kiddies feet warm when the snow hits.

Beyond the price reductions, for some BLACK FRIDAY actually has something important in common with haunted attractions -- a bonding shared experience with friends and/or family. It’s an adventure, it’s fun...two things also true of haunted attractions, right? For these people, BLACK FRIDAY is great and we applaud their efforts.

On the other hand, many people already have way too much stuff and Christmas presents are relegated only to that which goes away. Gourmet treats are allowed, but If it consumes space in an ongoing basis it’s out.

Even if that’s you, perhaps you’ve been infected with the madness and have decided to snag some great deals.

But how badly do you really need a three dollar toaster?

We have a much better plan for you, and you’ll save even more: 1) Set your alarm clock for 4 AM. 2) Get up at 4 AM and hide your car keys. 3) Go back to sleep and I’ll see you in slumber land.

There -- you just saved 100%! You’re welcome.

FOMO - THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SCARCITY

In sales, there’s a tactic known as the “eminent time close.” The salesman warns you should buy now, because the price goes back up tomorrow and/or it will be sold out. Psychology calls it “fear of missing out,” but in most cases it’s unfounded. There are 20 more pallets in the back.

DON’T BE FOOLED - “AVOID FUTURE REGRET & DISAPPOINTMENT” IS A PLOY FOR SUCKERS

No hurry, and no need to wait in abnormally long lines. If you really need that new 70 INCH TV it’ll be there whenever you get around to going.

NOVEMBER 23, 2023 THURSDAY 11:50 AM - MAYOR DUGGAN GIVES SANTA CLAUS KEY TO THE CITY

DETROIT PARADE ON WDIV TV 4 NOW!

The float from DETROIT JAZZ FESTIVAL is a standout fave to us, and flipping over to the MACY’S PARADE in NEW YORK on CBS the float from EN VOGUE is exquisite with a beautiful GANESH ELEPHANT of sorts.

This is really smart for Mayor Mike Duggan -- giving Santa total access so he can deliver all the presents with ease.

NOVEMBER 23, 2023 THURSDAY 3 AM - GOBBLE GOBBLE GO-GO

HAPPY THANKSGIVING everybody! May your turkey be moist, and your loved ones near.

We have many fine things to be thankful for, including the smartest most discerning members of the haunt community...you!

Safe travels if you’re going out-of-town by planes, trains, or automobiles. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planes,_Trains_and_Automobiles And if there’s a JOHN CANDY in your circle, please have mercy upon their sorry butt.

Take pity upon the BOZOS OF LIFE that existence has rudely thrust into your pathway to the bliss of Babylon. Thank you. Very mush.

PRAISE THE LORD & PASS THE AMMUNITION

Always remember that KARMA WILL PUNISH YOU if you get out of line and end up on SANTA’S NAUGHTY LIST.

And please, oh Lord, let us always have the wisdom to know revenge is a dish best served cold. We beseech thee, keep us safe from the authorities who would frown upon our relentless pursuit of schadenfreunde. Amen.

NOVEMBER 22, 2023 WEDNESDAY 1 PM - TURKEY TIME AGAIN!

Yum, who doesn’t love some moist and delicious turkey on Thanksgiving? Gotta have it -- meat’s meat and a man’s gotta eat, right? Say “yes.”

But they just take so long to cook, unless you drop the whole thing in a barrel of super heated oil. Every year, would-be super chefs burn their garages down doing this.

You could always go on YOUTUBE and learn how to cook a gourmet turkey in an hour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhYIlntrxDs

But even that’s too much work on a day when you’re supposed to have your cake and eat it too.

Submitted for your approval, the following menu:

Live dosa station, Live pain puri station, Live Jalebi station in ghee, Tandoori turkey, Veg Hakka noodles, Fruits, Salad, Papad and chutneys, Tandoori whole chicken, Chicken wings, Goat roganjosh, Goan fish curry, Veg biryani, Pay-Bhaji, Tawa chicken, Mirchi pakoda, Gobhi manchurian, Hot & sour soup, Tea, Coffee, Mango lassi, and a lot more ..!!

Welcome to PUNJAB SWEETS & INDIAN CUISINE in LIVONIA AT 36701 Plymouth Road, with their fabulous Thanksgiving Day Buffet from 11 AM - 9 PM at $24.99 per person.

TURKEY FOR ME, TURKEY FOR YOU

We went to this last year, and the TANDOORI TURKEY was to die for...and CANDY went absolutely insane over the GOAN FISH CURRY! https://www.facebook.com/punjabcater/ https://punjabcuisinemi.com/

NOVEMBER 22, 2023 WEDNESDAY 11:11 AM - ART CLASS DUMMY

I’m horrible when it comes to drawing.

I can play a mean triple paradiddle, backwards and then forwards...and of course the double and single paradiddle. Not only that, I can play these on the snare drum or between the snare drum and bass drum.

I can play quarter notes on the bell of the ride cymbal and then come in with triplets on the snare drum, one of many poly rhythms that rely on independence of limbs.

But my illustrations stink.

AI TO THE RESCUE

And so it was that I found myself logging onto www.leonardo.ai to let a computer draw some silly stuff to commemorate World Television Day: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/   

NOVEMBER 21, 2023 TUESDAY 8 PM - A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT

Once upon a time that was the promise...from somebody, somewhere...

And everything starts as an idea as we’ve said before.

As it happened this guy named Philo Taylor Farnsworth had an idea to create the first electric television in 1927, cementing his status as an innovative American inventor.

So forget the chickens, we’d say the updated slogan could be A TV IN EVERY HOME.

HAPPY WORLD TELEVISION DAY

Certainly, TV helps the haunted attraction genre on various platforms ranging from media giants to YOUTUBE postings from your neighbor’s over-the-top yard haunt. In this respect, TV IS TOPS!

On the other hand some people call the TV set THE IDIOT BOX, and warn this insidious device will suck your brains out and spit them out making an embarrassing mess on the floor.

So today we recognize World Television Day...hmmm, what kind of silly AI ART can Leonardo.AI generate? Let’s see.....need prompts how about: a dancing planet earth with an old TV set for a head, flying demonic monkeys with TV sets for heads, flames emanating from monkey butts, wormhole in background  

https://www.livemint.com/news/india/world-television-day-2023-history-date-significance-and-why-it-is-celebrated-11700538666648.html

NOVEMBER 21, 2023 TUESDAY 7 PM - ANYTHING YOU WANT & MUCH, MUCH MORE!

You can learn almost anything on YOUTUBE. Whether it’s how many BLAST BEATS per second a crazy fast drummer can hit or how to replace the broken thingamajig on your car, it’s all there. https://www.facebook.com/reel/179390068582898 https://www.facebook.com/reel/296991869838732 

17,000 YEARS & COUNTING

I saw an article about how much stuff is on YOUTUBE.

under construction

NOVEMBER 21, 2023 TUESDAY 11:11 AM - MOTHER GOOSE ON THE LOOSE

AMERICA’S THANKSGIVING PARADE will be rolling down Woodward Avenue in Detroit this coming Thursday morning, and the whole world will be watching live in person and on millions of TV sets. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America%27s_Thanksgiving_Parade

MOTHER GOOSE is the longest running float in the parade to our knowledge, and this is their 97th year! Rumor has it that MOTHER GOOSE has sprouted new wings, and will feature a SCIENCE FICTION SPACE AGE twist for the first time.

This is an event so prestigious that even SANTA CLAUS will be part of the festivities, as well as floats and inflatable creatures of all kinds. MOTOWN MUSIC is always well represented, as it should be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fin0HWYz990

But try as we might, we can’t remember ever seeing a float dedicated to HAUNTED HOUSES / ATTRACTIONS.

If MOTHER GOOSE can make the scene in such a big way, why not HAUNTED HOUSES too?

Certainly the enthusiasm and passion for haunts is there, just not a float dedicated to them to our knowledge. We’ve already seen a SPOOKY GHOST SHIP FLOAT in another Michigan parade, in Romulus or Belleville as I recall...think it was in conjunction with DERANGED HAUNT in ROMULUS.

So who will step up to the plate for next year and get in touch with the Selection Committee for AMERICA’S THANKSGIVING PARADE? https://theparade.org/  

NEW FLOAT REVEAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fadn_OWR2DM  PARADE COUNTDOWN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZviQe5QkEA

NOVEMBER 18, 2023 SATURDAY 1 PM - AN APPLE A DAY

Everybody loves apples! Who doesn’t love some FRESH MICHIGAN CIDER & DONUTS? How about, like right now?

It’s the BLAKE’S HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA: https://blakefarms.com/event/holiday-extravaganza/  https://www.fox2detroit.com/video/1313927  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrhAedHJcUE

Oh boy, it’s still Halloween...sorta. BLAKE’S is a big winner any time of year!

And when you go, remember our “serving suggestion.” Dipping your donuts in apple cider is okay, but better yet get a jar of APPLE BUTTER and use that for donut dipping.

Slather it on. Gulp it down. You’re welcome.

NOVEMBER 17, 2023 FRIDAY 11:11 AM - QUICK PHOTO ACCESS

A link to our photostream on FLICKR now appears at the bottom of the Mission Statement above. You’ll see the most current pics first. Or click on “Albums” where the over 9,000 pics are grouped into various categories. https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/

NOVEMBER 16, 2023 THURSDAY 11:11 PM - LOCAL TREASURE IN BATTLE AGAINST BULLDOZER

Some of you may remember when JOHNNY APPLESEED’S was bulldozed to make room for a new strip mall, the kind where you typically find FAMILY DOLLAR and SUBWAY.

It seemed like a travesty to us, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

And so it is that now we find MARVELOUS MARVIN’S MECHANICAL MUSEUM in FARMINGTON HILLS is in danger of being bulldozed to make room for a new MEIJER store. http://www.marvin3m.com/ https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/oakland-county/2023/11/15/marvelous-marvins-beloved-farmington-hills-arcade-could-face-demolition/71594498007/  https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/oakland/2023/11/16/marvins-mechanical-museum-farmington-hills-close-meijer/71602617007/

You can help by signing a petition: https://www.change.org/p/save-marvin-s-marvelous-mechanical-museum

NOVEMBER 16, 2023 THURSDAY 4 PM - FIREWORKS TONIGHT!

It’s opening night for the WAYNE COUNTY LIGHTFEST: https://www.waynecounty.com/departments/publicservices/parks/wayne-county-lightfest.aspx

NOVEMBER 15, 2023 WEDNESDAY 10 AM - HOW ELLEN MISSED THE BOAT

Anyone remember THE ELLEN SHOW? Comic Ellen DeGeneres hosted this feel good afternoon talk show on nationwide TV until its’ SWAN SONG a few years ago.

It was wildly popular, and my partner was a big fan. I didn’t personally watch it, but became interested when she sent a show employee through a haunted house at Halloween time. The employee was a scaredy cat who was easily frightened, and watching him freak out was amusing.

Ellen never went herself, remaining in the comfort of luxurious furniture on the set of her TV show while poking fun at the hapless victim.

While we appreciated how Ellen helped raise awareness of haunts, we also lamented that she used the same haunt every year -- think it was from UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.

So we embarked on a MISSION FROM GOD, and called in our big guns to prepare a special plea to Ellen to instead come to Detroit for her next annual haunted house show.

With custom wildly creative artwork from BRIAN BROSNAHAN decorating the handwritten letter and envelope to attract attention, we sent a package to Ellen. We thanked her for doing the haunt segment, then suggested she take it to a new level and come to Detroit where haunted attractions started in 1966 -- three years before Disney debuted their HAUNTED MANSION.

We told her she could see two awesome haunts in the same city of Pontiac, which at the time was home to both THE REALM OF DARKNESS and EREBUS.

Unfortunately, Ellen foolishly ignored our instructions and failed to acknowledge our correspondence. She again used the HOLLYWOOD HAUNT for her prank instead, and soon enough she had her SWAN SONG.

This goes to prove that indeed every show eventually ends, and she blew it big time ignoring the wonderful experience waiting for her. We also suggested that she personally accompany the hapless employee, which also was ignored by Ellen.

Too bad, so sad! You missed out Ellen, and you’ll never know how good you could have had it thanks to the Trusty Zioptis Foundation. History doesn’t reveal its’ alternatives, but we think THE REALM OF DARKNESS would’ve blown away the Hollywood haunt they used over and over.

THE REALM OF DARKNESS was critically acclaimed as being the most imaginative and exquisite haunted attraction in Michigan by many observers, ratings services and such...including us. All of their archived ZIOPTIS REVIEWS are still available in Reviews. I just looked at the REALM REVIEW 2006 and found this:

HI ZIOPTIS!

WELL, I MADE IT TO THE REALM OF DARKNESS, THANKS AGAIN FOR THE INFO. I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH ABOUT WHAT A GREAT TIME I HAD. I SPENT A GREAT MANY YEARS IN THE HAUNT BUSINESS AND THIS IS TOP NOTCH. LITTLE DID I KNOW IT WAS DENISE FROM THE OLD HOUSE OF NIGHTMARES DAYS, IT WAS COOL TO SPEND A FEW MINUTES TALKING WITH HER. HOPE THESE GUYS KEEP IT GOING. THIS IS WHAT TRUE COMMITMENT CAN DO FOR THE HAUNT INDUSTRY. I AGREE WITH YOU IN GIVING THEM #1 HOUSE IN MICHIGAN.

Indeed, THE REALM OF DARKNESS was a legendary haunt for the ages. To this day, a sister in law of mine raves about the amazing experiences she had there and says THE REALM OF DARKNESS is the best haunt ever in Michigan!

As we’ve said, everyone is entitled to their opinion...and as much as I respect and love my sister in law she never made it to THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN which also was a truly iconic legendary haunt for the ages. She may have said something similar about THE HAUNTING if she had gone...educated guess here.

THE HAUNTING was the brainchild of famed Master Magician STUART MAC DONALD, who was given free rein to convert the Lenawee County Fairgrounds into a haunted attraction and outdoor theater for magic shows. Later he did mind blowing close-up magic indoors in an intimate setting.

THE HAUNTING featured the first ever LIQUID SKY ROOM in the haunt industry to our knowledge, as well as the MOST MIND BLOWING GAG we’ve ever seen at any haunt.

We described it last year, but didn’t give away the brilliant secret as to how it’s accomplished. Basically, it was a room that you could not escape from...despite multiple free-choices made you always end up where you started...a big time head scratcher. It took a top-level pro magician to conceive and achieve this miracle.

STUART MAC DONALD is still performing magic but not in Michigan. He was swept away from The Mitten when he got an offer he couldn’t refuse from an EAST COAST TELEVISION SYNDICATE, where to our knowledge he still works.

STUART also appeared on the TV show PENN & TELLER: FOOL US where pro magicians try their best to fool the famed magic duo PENN & TELLER. And YES, STUART did fool them. This is among the highest possible accomplishments for pro magicians!

As much as we miss THE HAUNTING & THE REALM OF DARKNESS, we realize that eventually all shows end. There are at least 138 haunts that closed in Michigan: http://www.zioptis.com/html/closed.shtml

NOVEMBER 14, 2023 TUESDAY 7 PM - CONCLUSION OF OLYMPIC VILLAGE BECOMES REAL LIFE HAUNTED HOUSE from NOVEMBER 9, 2023 THURSDAY 4 PM - LIGHTS, CAMERAS, ACTION!

This true story is from my travels with the international music troupe UP WITH PEOPLE! at the MUNICH OLYMPICS.

When we left off the terrorist group called BLACK SEPTEMBER abducted as many athletes from Israel as they could, during the first of our two shows scheduled.

This was happening only about 200 yards away from the auditorium we were performing in.

It was the first time in history to my knowledge that a SHOCKING INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM incident like this had occurred.

Oblivious to the mayhem too close for comfort, we finished our show and were then told of the predicament.

The terrorists were still on the loose, and were upset that they couldn’t abduct all the Israeli athletes as planned as they attacked the OLYMPIC VILLAGE. Where were the remaining athletes? They were in the auditorium for the UP WITH PEOPLE shows!

An emergency cast meeting was held to decide what we should do. The Olympic officials left it to us -- should we go on with the 2nd show as planned or cancel it? We might be setting ourselves up as sitting ducks if we went on stage again. Security would try to protect everybody, but there were no guarantees.

The cast director said all 150 of us would have to unanimously agree to go on with the 2nd show. If even one person didn’t want to take the chance, we would cancel it.

We had a secret vote, with each member placing a piece of paper into a hat with YES or NO written on it. This was the only way someone could object and not be singled out, so as to ensure a free choice.

The votes came out of the hat, and all of them were YES.

And so it was that we played a show with terrorists still on the loose, with the possibility of us setting ourselves up for disaster.

Pics from our Munich adventure are in this album of pics from my photostream: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/72157651813987571

NOVEMBER 14, 2023 TUESDAY 5 PM - SANTA CLAUS COMES EARLY & THROWS FREE BASH AT HINES DRIVE

The WAYNE COUNTY LIGHTFEST kicks off this coming Thursday Nov. 16th in WESTLAND, which is also home of ELOISE ASYLUM and HUSH. https://www.waynecounty.com/departments/publicservices/parks/wayne-county-lightfest.aspx

Festivities start at 6 PM and include music, appearances by SANTA & MRS. CLAUS, and FIREWORKS. Opening night Thursday is free, and after that admission is $5 per vehicle.

This wildly successful event grows bigger and better every year, with 2023 marking their 30th Anniversary!

NOVEMBER 14, 2023 TUESDAY 12 NOON - MULTI-LEVEL ENTERTAINING AT HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS (below from Nov. 11, 6 AM) NOW FINISHED

NOVEMBER 14, 2023 TUESDAY 11:11 AM - SEXIEST MAN ALIVE IN BID TO REPLACE THANKSGIVING WITH HALLOWEEN

THANKSGIVING is coming soon, but Hollywood has something else in mind.

HOLLYWOOD DECLARES HAUNT SEASON NOW IN FULL SWING

Just when the public at large may be forgetting what fun the Halloween season is, along comes a new HORROR / SLASHER MOVIE to remind them. It’s the recently crowned SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, PATRICK DEMPSEY in his new movie sensation “THANKSGIVING.”

HOLLYWOOD DECLARES HALLOWEEN CONTINUES THRU THANKSGIVING

The movie title cleverly attracts the public with its’ timely release. But make no mistake -- the movie strongly embodies the ghastly goodness of the haunted attraction season. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving_(2023_film)#:~:text=6%20External%20links-,Premise,out%20of%20the%20town's%20inhabitants

TOSS THE TURKEY & POUR THE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE

So you can see -- as far as Hollywood is concerned the haunted attraction season continues past Halloween.

NOVEMBER 12, 2023 SUNDAY 11:11 AM - NEW HIT LIST ADDED

The latest HIT LIST detailing 48,658 hits over the last period now appears in Archive 33: http://www.zioptis.com/html/archive_33.shtml

NOVEMBER 12, 2023 SUNDAY 10 AM - SECRET VOICE REVEALED AFTER 25 YEARS

Who is VERONICA TAYLOR? You may not recognize this name, but she’s a TOP VOICE OVER TALENT and often these people go unnoticed and unrecognized.

But you probably have heard of ASH KETCHUM from POKEMON, right? Well, here’s your chance to meet the voice actor who plays this iconic character as VERONICA TAYLOR appears at MOTOR CITY COMIC CON in NOVI. Today is the last day: https://motorcitycomiccon.com/

NOVEMBER 12, 2023 SUNDAY 9 AM - FIREWORKS TONIGHT!

You are invited to DIWALI CELEBRATIONS in CANTON tonight at 3176 S. Canton Center Road. CHOPDA PUJAN is at 5 PM, FIREWORKS at 8 PM.

https://www.baps.org/Global-Network/North-America/Detroit.aspx

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 11:11 PM - PARTY ALL AROUND THE WORLD

OH BOY! There’s dancing in the streets of Detroit, and everywhere where time exists. And of course, the most special of special times is ELEVEN ELEVEN on ELEVEN ELEVEN.

The munchkins are so cute in their ELEVEN ELEVEN holiday outfits, marching down MAIN STREET in the ELEVEN ELEVEN parade. WHOOPEE!

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 9 PM - TAYLOR SWIFT JOINS THE DETROIT LIONS & PROPOSES MARRIAGE TO MATTHEW SANFORD

CANDY FISHALOT is confused, again. She means well, but is misguided by her obsession with fish, cute guys that play football, and of course TAYLOR SWIFT.

We tried to correct her about who the current QB for The Lions is, to no avail. But that’s okay...she’s so cute, even when she’s throwing up.

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 8 PM - SWIFTIES SEND POLITICAL BULLIES PACKING & CRYING FOR MERCY

TAYLOR SWIFT is again striking a blow for democracy, even though she was born in Canada.

With just six words, she destroyed “the guy with the hair” as FIN-TIN calls him: SWIFTIES...YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AtEthVQSjE 

Fin-Tin is confused, but happy. Life is good.

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 12 NOON - 75 MEGABYTES FOR ONE PICTURE - OVERKILL OR PIXEL PARADISE?

Are we insane? The original image from HUSH last year is only like 10 megabytes. Why in the world would we release a picture with such insanely high resolution?

The image has been optimized with Photoshop, and then upscaled by 600% with AI processing before undergoing HDR conversion.

Try zooming in...a lot. Only then can you appreciate the difference extreme high-resolution can make:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/53283809470/

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 11:11 AM - DETROIT ROLLS OUT THE RED CARPET FOR ROCK ROYALTY

Quick, who are the KINGS OF METAL?

Many would say it’s METALLICA, who are in town this weekend at FORD FIELD: https://www.freep.com/story/entertainment/music/brian-mccollum/2023/11/10/metallica-detroit-ford-field-review-photos-set-list/71477248007/

The set list is different each night!

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 10 AM - SUPER HERO YOU!

MOTOR CITY COMIC CON is in full swing thru tomorrow: https://motorcitycomiccon.com/

This event is near and dear to the haunt community, and is another chance to enter a fantasy land of things and deeds fantastic.

COSPLAY is giant at this event with amazing costumes, many of them homemade. Let’s take a look in the world’s largest photo sharing service FLICKR: https://www.flickriver.com/groups/cosplayuniverse/pool/interesting/ https://www.flickriver.com/groups/cosplayfever/pool/interesting/ https://www.flickriver.com/groups/cosplayworld/pool/interesting/

BTW, FLICKRIVER is the same thing as FLICKR. It’s just an easier way to access the site for some.

So head on over to the convention and have some fun! And please support local musicians playing in bands at venues like UFO FACTORY - DETROIT, SMALL’S BAR - DETROIT, DIRTY DOG JAZZ CAFE - GROSSE POINTE FARMS and 342 BAR & GRILL - DEARBORN HEIGHTS.

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 6 AM - MULTI-LEVEL ENTERTAINING AT HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS

Haunters come to haunts to have an experience unlike any other, to be entertained in that most special of ways the genre is famous for.

But when does the entertainment start?

We’d say it starts before the haunters arrive, during the car ride or even earlier. Excited conversations on the phone can build the anticipation, especially for those who are going to their first ever haunted house. They’ve heard stories, some of them true and others fabricated for effect.

Either way, they know that exciting fun awaits. At some haunts, the show starts before entering the actual haunt. Strolling actors and side shows can up the ante big time.

AZRA CHAMBER OF HORRORS HAUNTED HOUSE has a variation on this theme, turning the heated & covered queue area into a DANCE CLUB with PRO AUDIO & LIGHTING.

HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION wowed us in 2023 with three side shows featuring acrobatic superhuman performances by three talented young ladies. One of them reminded us of the mermaid we saw in performances with CIRQUE ITALIA shows. CIRQUE pics here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/72177720300900927

Before HUSH, the last time we recall seeing this top quality level of queue area shows was at THE HAUNT in GRAND RAPIDS at the original WALDORF BUILDING location. They had a stage show featuring cleverly choreographed routines with skilled dancers, special lighting and a custom music track.

In case you didn’t know, THE HAUNT is often held as a gold standard to which other haunts should aspire to achieve.

NOVEMBER 11, 2023 SATURDAY 4 AM - LET THE PARTY BEGIN

HAPPY ELEVEN ELEVEN! The big day is finally here, and the children are donning their holiday garb for the parades, festivals and such.

ELEVEN ELEVEN comes only once a year, and of course we also remember Veterans on this date.

Many celebrate ELEVEN ELEVEN as a GALACTIC GALA and consider it to be a magic portal to other dimensions hiding in plain sight. There are societies based on the concept of ELEVEN ELEVEN being a gateway number to other realms. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/11:11_(numerology)

There are many special mathematical miracles about ELEVEN ELEVEN that can not be denied. Backwards or forwards, it remains the same. Upside down or right side up, it remains the same. A clock that is stuck at 11:11 is always correct twice a day.

This nifty number comes in handy in a multitude of life situations, and is preferred 3 to 1 by discerning butterflies on all continents except of course Antarctica where butterflies do not exist. Also, butterflies are unique in that we have never seen a haunted attraction that features them.

Pay no attention to any of this nonsense. Honor the Veterans in your life today. Thank you. Very mush.  

NOVEMBER 9, 2023 THURSDAY 4 PM - LIGHTS, CAMERAS, ACTION!

WHOOPEE! The record-breaking 4 month plus long strike by my union SAG-AFTRA is finally over.

But don’t look for me on the silver screen or TV -- you’ll never see me there as I’m exclusively a VO guy (voice-over).

I’ve already had more than enough “screen time” many moons ago, drumming with various bands as well as UP WITH PEOPLE! in nine different countries and about half of the USA states.

***SIDEBAR: We’ve been indulging in fictitious stories recently, but this one is absolutely true.***

OLYMPIC VILLAGE BECOMES REAL LIFE HAUNTED HOUSE

I had a real life scare that freaked out my parents, as it appeared on worldwide TV. We were performing our SMILE UNTIL IT HURTS happy-go-lucky UP WITH PEOPLE! show for athletes at the MUNICH, GERMANY OLYMPICS.

Everything was peaches & cream until a terrorist group called BLACK SEPTEMBER abducted as many athletes from Israel as they could, during the first of our two shows scheduled.

This was happening only about 200 yards away from the auditorium we were performing in.

It was the first time in history to my knowledge that a SHOCKING INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM incident like this had occurred.

As horrible as all this was, it was about to get worse...a lot worse...

CONCLUSION COMING LATER! 

NOVEMBER 8, 2023 WEDNESDAY 9 PM - LICENSE PLATE FUN

When my family used to go on vacation in our station wagon (mini vans were still far off) we had a game we played, seeing who could spot the license plate from farthest away or an unusual vanity plate.

My partner just called, and today she saw a vanity plate that caught her attention. It said SYNISTR.

Hmmm...there used to be a haunt called SINISTER in UTICA.

We’ve discussed this before, but it’s worth revisiting.

SINISTER was a killer haunt by all measures, and it wasn’t just us singing their praises. Multiple other haunt review / rating services critically acclaimed SINISTER as a 5 STAR HAUNT.

SINISTER had lots of unique “tricks up their sleeve.” One of our faves was the CHICKEN MAN who roamed the queue line area.

His outfit was outstanding, a custom made costume with striking realism. He walked like a chicken, talked like a chicken, thought like a chicken, and even smelled like a chicken!

So how did he even smell like chicken?

With chicken! He carried a fully cooked rotisserie chicken, like they sell at Kroger or Meijer. CHICKEN MAN then sliced off sections of chicken and offered them as snacks for the haunters.

We were happy to accept the delicious and wholesome meat. After all, meat’s meat and a man’s gotta eat!

It gets better: CHICKEN MAN then ate some himself, creating a psychological  dilemma. The frenzied turmoil of a CANNIBAL ON THE LOOSE exploded, as he was torn between the need to eat and DEVOURING HIS OWN CHILD.

He interrogates you, asking when you last ATE HUMAN FLESH? Only then could you feel his shame of “committing the sin of cannibalism.” GREAT STUFF, TOTALLY HILARIOUS.

Inside the haunt, things got even stranger and as usual they saved the BIGGEST WOW for the last room which we called the ZEBRA STROBE ROOM.

The room was painted in black & white stripes front to back and top to bottom, and lit with only a slowly flashing XENON FLASH TUBE STROBE. A highly acrobatic mad man dressed in black & white zebra stripes appeared to be flying across the room, with herky jerky motions that seemed impossible.

So if this haunt was so cool, why did it fold? They did everything right. They advertised in the haunt rags, and cranked it to ELEVEN every night. Despite all that, the crowds never came for unknown reasons. To us this was a travesty, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.

The lesson here is that no haunt should be written off for low attendance, and also that every haunt eventually sings its’ SWAN SONG

NOVEMBER 8, 2023 WEDNESDAY 5 PM - HOUDINI RETURNS FROM THE DEAD

Did you know that famed magician HARRY HOUDINI died in Detroit?

Here’s your chance to travel back in time to the ROARING TWENTIES:

https://www.detroithistoryclub.com/events/houdinis-all-hallows-eve-ball-1?fbclid=IwAR1DGoLROEusU9REU4r2psKeVZHFFYSh74f3iodhm_WGB5SG0IVz9 AHwTGI

NOVEMBER 8, 2023 WEDNESDAY 1 PM - GRANDMA DROPS DEAD ON PENN & TELLER

This dropped just yesterday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwnaezj134Q

NOVEMBER 8, 2023 WEDNESDAY 12 NOON - ROB ZOMBIE: HAUNT HERO OR ZERO?

ROB ZOMBIE: HAUNT HERO OR HAUNT DESTROYER?

Haunted attractions and rock music go together like cheese & crackers.

If you had to name one single rock song that embodies the spirit of haunting, that you’ve heard blasting on PA systems at many haunts, it’s probably ROB ZOMBIE’S “DRAGULA.”

ROB ZOMBIE has a wild stage presence, and also has become well known for horror movies and even haunted attractions.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

NOVEMBER 8, 2023 WEDNESDAY 11:11 AM - NATIONWIDE DEBATE SNUBBED BY PROMINENT POLITICAL DUMMY

Confirmed: Fin-Tin The Dirt Faced Clown will not participate in tonight’s Presidential Candidate Debate.

FIN-TIN doesn’t even know what politics is, because as a child his mommy dropped him on his head. He is blissfully ignorant of the shenanigans of such proceedings.

Fin-Tin is happy. Life is good.

NOVEMBER 8, 2023 WEDNESDAY 5 AM - MEDIA FEEDING FRENZY IN HOME OF HUSH & ELOISE ASYLUM

The media can’t stop gushing about Westland, hometown of TWO MAJOR HAUNTS -- HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION and ELOISE ASYLUM.

This time it’s WDIV TV-4 DETROIT with “WHAT MAKES WESTLAND GREAT” during the local news.

Without even watching, we can tell you what makes Westland so fabulous -- it’s having TWO premiere Michigan Haunted Attractions.

In what is widely considered to be the MOST COMPETITIVE HAUNT MARKET IN THE WORLD, Westland shines like a “city on a hill” beaming its’ INTENSE SPOOKY SPIRIT upon the planet Earth.

So you can see -- as far as the media is concerned WESTLAND IS #1 when it comes to Michigan cities that have two primo haunted attractions.

We are happy. Life is good.

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 11 PM - A THOUSAND WORDS ISN’T ENOUGH

Wow, the pictures from THE SCREAM MACHINE, HUSH & THE GRINDLEY PARK HAUNT are looking good...

Also STAR WARS MEETS KISS is in the works, sure to interest you if you like STAR WARS and/or KISS.

Stand by, my little monkeys...

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 10:30 PM - RED

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_pDwv3tpug&list=PLjPIe5KlzbfVieL1zPh3LjDNJQBV98WTF

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 10 PM - BEYONCE ELECTED PRESIDENT OF USA, TAYLOR SWIFT IN SURPRISE VIP BID

CANDY & FIN-TIN are again in the other room watching late night comics on YOUTUBE, yucking it up...CANDY jumped for joy when they showed a picture of 2 gals together who CANDY positively idolizes -- TAYLOR SWIFT & BEYONCE. It’s during the segment called “AMBER SAYS WHAT?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na8tL0Sq-rU

MEANWHILE, the Westland election results are in and the results are staggering:

BEYONCE RENAISSANCE TOUR - $579 MILLION SMACKEROOS

TAYLOR SWIFT ERAS TOUR - $780 MILLION GROSS / $305 MILLION PERSONAL SMACKEROOS

CANDY SEZ: It doesn’t matter how much money they made, because music is love and love is priceless.

CANDY is wise, and stinks of garlic almost constantly. CANDY & her best friend LADY J often snack on “cheese & crackers.” But there’s no cheese -- it’s fresh & wholesome GARLIC PASTE from SUPER GREENLAND MARKET.

Slather it on, gulp it down. Life is good.

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 7 PM - HOME OF HUSH & ELOISE IS KEY RACE TO WATCH ON ELECTION NIGHT

It’s WESTLAND in the news, again! Today is Election Day in WESTLAND.

CANDY & FIN-TIN are again in the other room watching the news and eating Halal bologna (with olives) sandwiches from SUPER GREENLAND.* https://www.facebook.com/supergreenland/

FIN-TIN is jumping up and down gleefully, asking: “Which haunted house will win the election in Westland, HUSH or ELOISE?

CANDY tried to explain it’s not that kind of election, but the clueless clown didn’t get it so she commanded, “Alexa: Show me REN & STIMPY.”

Once again, Fin-Tin is happy and life is good.

* = This store makes their own GARLIC PASTE, BABA GHANOUSH, HOMMUS**, stuffed grape leaves, Halal beef bologna (sells out quickly) and spicy Halal hot dogs that will knock your socks off. SERVING SUGGESTION: Heat stuffed grape leaves briefly in microwave oven, then dip in garlic paste for a blissful gourmet treat guaranteed to make your mouth and tummy happy.

** = Available in original, spicy, or spinach flavors.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F1TmBygqp8 DO NOT VIEW - PERMANENT PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE MAY RESULT - WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU FOOLISHLY IGNORE THIS NON-BINDING WARNING & END UP IN ELOISE ASYLUM. THANK YOU. VERY MUSH.

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 6 PM - HOW THE INTERNET KILLED A HAUNTED HOUSE URBAN LEGEND PART TWO

Earlier we discussed a MYSTERY HAUNT rumor that used to go around many moons ago. (see below)

So what happened to it? In an age of misinformation and so-called ALTERNATE FACTS, a dramatic fake story about a renegade haunted house seems plausible if not likely.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 4 PM - HOME OF HUSH & ELOISE ASYLUM IN RELENTLESS MEDIA BLITZ

WESTLAND is in the TV NEWS again, this time on WDIV TV-4 DETROIT.

Live segments from BRAY’S HAMBURGERS* will be featured this afternoon in a community forum of sorts, the subjects of which have not yet been revealed.

Will they talk about the WILDLY SUCCESSFUL HAUNTED ATTRACTIONS in WESTLAND?

Inquiring minds want to know! Tune in at 5 PM to WDIV TV 4 and find out for yourself.

* = The place with the donkey out front.

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 3 PM - DAZZLING HOLOGRAPHIC FAN

https://oteveninetl.com/products/human-series https://oteveninetl.com/products/human-series?mima=fb569874a5t8b6a5s5&fbclid=IwAR2JfCEVFcijxL3XU58QfW_6V_iIaz3r4 ThKNaKC5bRJ7t6TE8Ku8J27mnA 

CREEPY LATEX MASKS: https://www.mostlydead.com/

NOVEMBER 7, 2023 TUESDAY 3 AM - HELP YOUR NIGHTMARES COME TRUE!

Just found this, of possible interest: https://hauntpages.com/

NOVEMBER 6, 2023 MONDAY 7 PM - HOW THE INTERNET KILLED A HAUNTED HOUSE URBAN LEGEND PART ONE

Remember “The Telephone Game”? A story is made up and written down, then repeated around a circle of people one-by-one. The end result is a far cry from the original, and it’s hilarious.

This same concept used to find its’ way into haunted house legends, with a more sinister angle.

We’ve talked about this before, but it’s been some time and we don’t want the legend to die.

It has to do with a planted rumor about a haunted house so horribly disgusting that nobody ever makes it all the way through. As the story goes, admission is $100! But there are ten rooms, and you get $10 back for each room you make it through. Of course, “nobody has ever made it all the way through.”

Often this mystery haunt is put on by a renegade frat house at MSU or U of M, or by students that got kicked out of med school for stealing body parts used in the haunt.

This was a story whispered among haunters in queue lines, “Did you hear about the most disgusting haunt that’s turning people into basket cases? Freddie and Susie went, and Freddie ended up going insane!”

But if you asked where this mystery haunt is, they could never tell you...because it never existed. Of course that didn’t stop people from saying something like “I didn’t actually go to it, but Susie’s brother did and he’s afraid to tell her where it is.”

The descriptions of the rooms grew more insidious with each repetition.

For example, one version describes the first room as having a foot of water that you must wade through after taking off your shoes and socks of course. The “room” has been stocked with LIVE SNAKES and other creepy crawly aquatic creatures.

Your shoes and socks stay off in the second room, which is infested with hundreds of rats. The teeth have been removed from the rats, “so they won’t get sued and thrown in jail.”

Next is a room that’s pitch black with narrow passageways, forcing you to navigate with your hands. In some haunts you’d get a mild ELECTRIC SHOCK at this point, but that’s just for starters here.

At the MYSTERY HAUNT you get the shock first, and then are overcome with the overwhelming stench of death as you feel ROTTING TURKEY GUTS that are affixed to the walls. You continue in total blackness, until the WOWSER ending.

You’re forced into a small, confining room that stinks even worse. A fog machine fills the room quickly, then a powerful strobe light blinds you. As the fog dissipates you finally see what stinks so bad. It’s REAL PIG HEADS, decapitated several days ago.

PART TWO COMING LATER

NOVEMBER 6, 2023 MONDAY 12 NOON - MAKING HALLOWEEN MAGICALLY REAPPEAR

It’s so easy! Just show this video on the JUMBO TRON in your front yard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sON_MIgf-Sk

NOVEMBER 6, 2023 MONDAY 11:11 AM - DATELINE: NEW YORK - CANDY FISHALOT IN CRITICAL TESTIMONY FLAP

CANDY & FIN-TIN have arrived in New York, after an ill-advised needless junket to FULTON COUNTY, GEORGIA.

Deliberate misinformation has been blamed for the mixup, proving that truth matters.

Neither CANDY or FIN-TIN have been indicted or charged with any crime, but they insist on having their day in court to “stop the stupid stuff.”

The judge took pity on the hapless pair, holding handmade signs saying “JUSTICE FOR DUMDUMS” and “LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATE.

CANDY spoke on behalf of FIN-TIN, who stood silently sucking his thumb.

Cameras are not permitted in court, but our field reporter has obtained a verbatim transcript of Candy’s carefully prepared passionate testimony:

“I, CANDY FISHALOT, am here to testify against bastardized notions and the men who facilitate them. They need to stop saying stupid stuff, because my friend FIN-TIN listens to them and he doesn’t need any help to be dumb. His mommy dropped him on his head. Thank you, and God bless TAYLOR SWIFT who should be President.”

Reaction from the opposition came fast and furious, but decorum prevents us from posting it here on a family friendly forum. Decency matters too.

Satisfied they’d done all they could to save democracy, CANDY & FIN-TIN saluted the judge and set out in search of a fish dinner.

Fin-Tin is happy. Life is good.    

NOVEMBER 6, 2023 MONDAY 4 AM - OUT OF MY MIND ON MONDAY MOANIN

DID HIS MOMMY DROP HIM ON HIS HEAD? (below) NOW FINISHED

BROKEN PEACH HALLOWEEN SPECIALS - REMAINS OF THE DAY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjiXrpB7D-k  PERSONAL JESUS  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzAXITkCxG4

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 9 PM - THE BEST HAUNT YOU MISSED IN 2023

I’m not a big betting guy, my limit is one dollar.

But I’d confidently bet my bottom dollar I know which haunt you’ve never been to that will surely blow your mind!

And we haven’t even been to it.

Huh?

So what is this MYSTERY HAUNT, and how could we possibly know this?

It’s HINTERLAND in LESLIE. It’s not close enough to Wayne County to be considered a DETROIT HAUNT, and probably out-of-range for many of you.

But if we’ve never been to HINTERLAND how do we know it’s a SURE WINNER?

Let’s consider some basic facts here...no speculation, no FAKE NEWS...stuff that can be easily verified:

DATA POINT 1 - LESLIE already had the highly successful haunt TERROR ON 27 before HINTERLAND.

DATA POINT 2 - MICHIGAN is a highly competitive haunt market.

DATA POINT 3 - Together, both haunts bring more total haunt traffic to the area in the same way as two nearby burger joints do. Double the availability leads to more than double the total demand.

We’ve been to TERROR ON 27 several times before HINTERLAND existed, and it was always excellent. So it follows that for HINTERLAND to survive and thrive alongside TERROR ON 27 they too must be excellent.

We have a similar situation in WESTLAND, where we find both HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION and ELOISE ASYLUM.

So you can see -- competition between high quality haunts, or burger joints, leads to increased profits for both businesses. “It’s totally logical”, as Mr. Spock would say.

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 7:30 PM - MORE FROM THE “EXPERTS”

Here we go again!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svqDFsMQ0HE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuJ3n7-OkTk

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 7 PM - REVEALED AT LAST: CANDY’S LONG LOST COUSIN “KOK”

COMING SOON!

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 12 NOON - REDEMPTION IN A HOOPTIE - JANE & TRACY’S AMAZING TRYST WITH DESTINY

JANE PARKER & TRACY BEACH are the most unlikely of best friends, like a spider and a jellyfish...but even that’s a stretch. World’s apart, they would never have met except for the fact they live next door to each other at an apartment complex.

JANE is a voluptuous 6 foot 2 blonde bombshell who wears a different custom-tailored designer outfit every day. She drives a fancy car, and has a fancy designer dog named COCONUT who is a MALTIPOO. JANE appears to have the world by the tail, and her infectious smile wins over everyone she encounters.

TRACY is a skinny twig standing at a full 4 feet 11 inches of PUNK ASS FIRE, whose preferred attire is cutoffs and a REN & STIMPY T-shirt. She drives a POWDER BLUE PINTO STATION WAGON, and her mutt dog BO WEEVIL was abducted by her evil ex-boyfriend.

TRACY has a supernatural psychic connection with dogs, who speak to her in a language only she understands. The lovable waif also has an infectious smile, but is highly selective in choosing her friends. Deeply spiritual, she talks to God almost constantly and swears like a sailor.

FIN-TIN THE DIRT FACED CLOWN is a doofus of a broken man, with life always giving him the short end of the stick. His only friends are his SHINY YELLOW TRICYCLE and TRACY, who he calls CANDY FISHALOT.

This is part of the back story of a movie I’m writing. Screenplay writing was the farthest thing from my mind, until I ended up rewriting a movie for a film director from Oakland County a few years ago.

Pay no attention, this has nothing to do with haunted attractions.

Except that CANDY had a traumatic experience at a haunted attraction, after her evil ex-boyfriend insisted she wear high-heeled shoes during their date there so as not to be “such a pathetic pip-squeak.” The TOOTSIE KILLERS caused her to fall and be mocked by evil witches, who laughed at her before unceremoniously throwing poor Candy out the “Chicken Exit.”

It took years of therapy for Candy to muster the courage to again attend haunted attractions. She asked FIN-TIN to go with her for moral support, and he promptly wet his pants and cried like a toddler.

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 11 AM - THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMELS BACK

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far away, we used to “rate” haunted houses on a 5 star scale.

We were young and foolish, we didn’t know any better.

We had been followers of JOHN POE, who put out a haunt rag called THE GORE GUIDE. I know most of you never heard of him, so why bother mentioning him?

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 10 AM - DID HIS MOMMY DROP HIM ON HIS HEAD?

CANDY & FIN-TIN are eating bologna sandwiches and watching TV in the other room. FIN-TIN can’t remember the TV show host’s name, much less pronounce it, so he calls him THE GUY WITH THE GLASSES.

FIN-TIN doesn’t understand politics, and is confused as to why the illusive politician keeps avoiding a simple YES OR NO QUESTION.

FIN-TIN asks, “Why can’t the man answer the question? Did his mommy drop him on his head too?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMYeyd4vGg4

CANDY says, “Never mind him, FIN-TIN. Let’s watch some REN & STIMPY CARTOONS!

Fin-Tin is happy. Life is good.

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 3 AM - DATELINE: FULTON COUNTY, GEORGIA - CANDY FISHALOT INDICTED & ORDERED TO TESTIFY

SHOCKING DETAILS WITHHELD FROM “MEET THE PRESS” - COMING NEXT!

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 2 AM - MICHELANGELO TAKES UP RESIDENCE AT DETROIT HAUNTS

For a haunt to be successful they need some basics to start with -- actors and props / displays.

Many haunts have some kind of prop / display that is unique to only them.

For example, part of THE SCREAM MACHINE is essentially a museum of FLUORESCENT SPOOKY ART by the legendary STU SMITH.

STU SMITH was also featured at THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN, which sadly is now gone.

If you went to THE SCREAM MACHINE you saw firsthand why many consider STU SMITH to be the best artist in this genre. They were kind enough to let us photograph this astonishing collection of GORY GOODNESS -- pics to be released later.

At HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION there are so many authentic props / scenes your head will spin! One of them made us feel like we just stepped into DOWNTON ABBEY, and features an elegant hostess on a spiral staircase. The attention to detail throughout the scene is very convincing, as if jumping into a magic time machine. Very few haunts achieve this level of sophistication!

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 1:30 AM - JUST LIKE YESTERDAY A DECADE AGO

Ten years ago we went to HAUNTED HYDRO in FREMONT, OHIO where CRAZY BOB TURNER spun some tall tales among some even taller books in a library straight out of ALICE IN WONDERLAND.

I had some weird dreams that night, and then wrote the following short story:

NOVEMBER 2, 2013 SATURDAY 2 PM - PULL UP A CHAIR / THE GIFT

PIGTAILS & PUMPKINS €- BLESSED BY A GOURD by Zioptis

Inspired by Crazy Bob (Haunted Hydro in Fremont, Ohio) & adapted from a story by Bennet Cerf in “Chicken Soup For The Soul”

Melissa counted out the last pennies of her fare, on a small bus in rural Wisconsin in 1967.

She was 14, and it was the day after Halloween. The kids in front of the bus were still celebrating, bragging about how much candy their pillow cases held and such.

Near the back of the bus was mean Mr. Turner.

Nobody knew much about him, except that he used to give each Trick-or-Treater a small packet of candy on Halloween.

That stopped a few years ago, but a bright Jack-o-Lantern still appeared on his front porch every Halloween.

He sat on the bus with no expression on his face, and in his feeble hands was said Jack-o-Lantern.

The crudely carved crooked teeth in the pumpkin resembled his own, and his clothes were ragged with the shirt buttoned wrong.

Strangely, Melissa walked right past her friends, and sat down across from mean Mr. Turner who continued to look forward with an empty stare.

Then suddenly he spun the pumpkin to face her, with its' silly face as he yelled "BOO!" and went back to his empty stare.

Melissa shrieked just as she had the weekend before at the local Jaycee's Haunted House, but then grinned a grin like the Great Pumpkin Himself.

At the next stop, the not-so-mean-after all Mr. Turner got up to leave.

But he hesitated for a moment, and then thrust the jolly Jack-o-Lantern into the girl's hands. He said, "The pumpkin made you smile, I think my wife would like you to have it. I'll tell her I gave it to you."

The old man hobbled out of the bus...and just before he disappeared from sight, Melissa saw him walk through the gates into a small cemetery.

NOVEMBER 5, 2023 SUNDAY 1 AM - NOT FADE AWAY

No, not the ROLLING STONES song. We prefer the version by space rock pioneer STEVE HILLAGE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grXJbBjYKdI LIVE VERSION https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsHTtQ7v4XU

My partner was sick again, and even called off work. God, I hope it’s not that damn COVID which has already turned our world upside down.

Rats! The plan was to make an encore visit to HUSH, then scoot over to ELOISE ASYLUM.

But in crusin’ around town I was pleasantly surprised to see some HALLOWEEN DISPLAYS still lit up! Please pass the Reese’s...

NOVEMBER 4, 2023 SATURDAY 4 PM - BUCKEYE ALERT!

Open tonight: NIGHTMARE AT THE CANFIELD SCAREGROUNDS in CANFIELD, OHIO  https://www.canfieldscaregrounds.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIk-zp0qCsggMVBs3ICh3IDgfREAAYASAAEgJXc_D_BwE

Open tonight: FEAR COLUMBUS in COLUMBUS, OHIO https://fearcolumbus.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1r-A95irggMVPCvUAR2kRgOfEAAYAiAAEgL6vPD_BwE

Open tonight: DISTRACTED HAUNT in BOWLING GREEN, OHIO  http://www.feardistracted.com/

NOVEMBER 4, 2023 SATURDAY 2 PM - AFTERGLOW (see below) NOW FINISHED

Thinking back, a chance encounter I had on Halloween could be the single most important moment of this haunt season...

NOVEMBER 4, 2023 SATURDAY 12 NOON - THE LAST HURRAH

BOO HOO! This is it, the final night of haunting for the Halloween season. We hope it’s been as fabulous for you as it’s been for us.

Despite a vastly reduced itinerary, we still had big fun and that’s what haunting is all about. The anticipation, the exhilaration, the big wows, the exquisite settings, props and decorations...the sum total far exceeds the parts going into a haunt!

Indeed, once again the haunt operators have gone all out, putting together truly amazing shows.

THE SCREAM MACHINE freaked us out with a JAW DROPPING GAG in the “hospital” where the insane Dr. Strach practices medicine without a license. How does he get away with this stuff?

HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION totally wowed us, from start to finish! Several super human acrobatic performers entertained us before entering the haunt. One of them reminded us of the level of expertise we’ve seen at recent shows by CIRQUE ITALIA. We’ve never made this level of comparison with a haunt before.

THE HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME is in a category all its’ own -- low tech and old school to the max. This haunt, more than any other we know, is like stepping into a time machine.

KUDOS TO ALL HAUNT OPERATORS EVERYWHERE!

NOVEMBER 4, 2023 SATURDAY 6 AM - GOBBLE GOBBLE

I stopped by at THE GRINDLEY PARK HAUNT last night, and was surprised to see a lot of the displays still in place.

And one of them has been modified for THANKSGIVING -- what’s up with that? One of the way tall skeletons is lit internally, and a large turkey emblazoned with “HAPPY THANKSGIVING” is positioned in front of it.

Is more coming soon? Is there going to be Thanksgiving Edition of THE GRINDLEY PARK HAUNT? Stay tuned, and be sure to come back at year’s end and New Year’s for EXCLUSIVE ZIOPTIS HAUNT INDUSTRY REPORTS!

NOVEMBER 4, 2023 SATURDAY 2 AM - AFTERGLOW

It’s been a really weird season for us, no way around it.

Nonetheless, we still had a great time all in all. And it ended with an unexpected “chance encounter” with some kids who come from a place where TRICK-OR-TREATING doesn’t exist.

Huh?

Do you believe in “fate”? That everything that happens does so for a reason?

When you met your eventual spouse for example, or you applied for a job that became your career. Was it just a coincidence? Or did it happen because “it was meant to be”?

THE WORLD IS YOUR HOMETOWN

It was Halloween Night, a little after 8 PM.

With no more TRICK-OR-TREATERS in sight, it was time to shut down the TOD DOCKSTADER and light show.

The light show was just one CHAUVET DUO MOON projector on a drum practice pad stand. This bad boy sports two powerful moonflower projectors and a strobe.

From my front porch this little gem brightly lit up the tallest tree tops in the area with spinning colored patterns and true strobe lighting!

Also, when the strobe hit the STOP SIGN down the block it started reflecting back dramatically. WOW, a flashing STOP SIGN!

At only two pounds, the CHAUVET DUO MOON is easily hand-held to pan its’ projections across the sky, and also point directly at two planes that flew overhead towards METRO AIRPORT.

Did they see it? I like to think they did...but the best was yet to come and totally caught me by surprise...

Once upon a time it took two large MOONFLOWERS and bulky strobes to do what this miniature marvel does. https://www.chauvetdj.com/products/duo-moon/ https://www.chauvetdj.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Duo-Moon_QRG_Rev2_ML6.pdf

But something told me to hang on...perhaps it was even THE GREAT PUMPKIN himself.

Sure enough, down the block...here comes a group of TRICK-OR-TREATERS. The final stragglers are usually teenagers looking to cash in on the last of the candy, and that’s cool. It reminds me of going with my older brothers, pillow cases in hand...they hold a lot more candy than those little pumpkin buckets.

But this troupe was special, and I knew instantly they traveled thousands of miles to get here.

It was a group of three TRICK-OR-TREATERS, two girls and what looked to be their older brother. The girls were both wearing hijabs, so I put on my very best SAG-AFTRA V.O. voice and said “Marhabaan! Happy Halloween...oh I love your costumes!” They were surprised that a white boy knew how to say “Hello” in Arabic.

AS YE SOW, SO SHALL YE REAP

I was thrilled to see Arabic teenagers enjoying one of the joys of living in America.

But beyond that, I helped plant a seed...on one of the happiest days of the year for millions of kids of all ages nationwide. Whoops, make that international...CANADA is on board big time too.

It’s the seed of silliness, the seed of celebrating childhood, the seed of make-believe, the seed of magic coming alive...and then lingering in the background until again comes the day when the leaves fall and fresh apple cider & donuts again beckon the kid in all of us!

NOVEMBER 3, 2023 FRIDAY 1 PM - IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

Here we go again. More contests to supposedly determine the 2023 HAUNT OF THE YEAR, this time from the people at https://www.michiganhauntedhouses.com/

They want you to submit a haunt review and rating as “This will help the attraction be in the running to win the 2023 Haunt of the Year!”

Hmmm...how do we know this is a fair representation of the actual relative merits and shortcomings of any given haunt?

We don’t.

The “winner” can pat themselves on the back and gloat. But based on what we know about haunt operators, most of them will pay little attention to this largely insignificant popularity contest.

We like to say the best haunt in the world is the one you’re at, having the time of your life!

NOVEMBER 3, 2023 FRIDAY 7 AM - ZIOPTIS VIOLATES GAG ORDER, EARNS DETENTION PENDING TRIAL

Just kidding of course...again. :)

But in retrospect, there is something it seems we got all wrong about HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION.

Ideally any haunt review should be able to be condensed into just a few words, like with a movie or TV show synopsis in TV GUIDE.

In past years our CLIFF NOTES version of HUSH was HOLLYWOOD SLICK, DETROIT RAW.

But after reviewing the photos we just got at HUSH, we’ve decided the new CATCH PHRASE for HUSH will be VEGAS SLICK, DETROIT RAW.

The kinds of shows we saw in the HUSH queue areas more closely resemble what you’ll see in Vegas than Hollywood, to set the record straight.

BASTARDIZED NOTIONS & THE MEN WHO FACILITATE THEM

As we’ve said many times: THE TRUTH MATTERS and we refuse to engage in FAKE NEWS from fake people, unless we make it up just for fun in which case all bets are off.

CANDY FISHALOT* is again jumping out of her skin, looking at the pictures from HUSH of the HIGH FLYING ACROBATIC DAREDEVIL LADY in a silver striped outfit.

CANDY is begging me to take her to HUSH because she wants to meet the “HIGH-FLYING SILVER VIXEN CHICK.”

But first she needs to earn more Gold Star Brownie Points, sorting pocket lint. CANDY is a world-class pocket lint sorter.

*= Not her real name. **

** = Tracy Beach is the real fictitious screenplay name for this 5 foot tall blonde bimbo.

NOVEMBER 3, 2023 FRIDAY 6 AM - BLAKE’S HARD CIDER IN BID FOR WORLDWIDE DOMINANCE

More good news from haunt industry giant BLAKE’S, who do so much to improve life in The Mitten...and other states including TEXAS, NEW YORK & OREGON.

BLAKE’S SCORES MAJOR TEXAS TAKEDOWN

BLAKE’S has quietly acquired AVID CIDER COMPANY from TEXAS, setting the stage for eventual nationwide dominance before conquering the world.

GO BLAKE’S! https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/blakes-hard-cider-introduces-new-company-expanded-operations-through-partnership-with-austin-eastciders

https://www.brewbound.com/news/blakes-hard-cider-acquires-assets-of-avid-cider-co-plans-to-expand-into-28-states-by-end-of-2022/

This is not a hostile takeover.

CEO ANDREW BLAKE SEZ: "We don’t want to change what makes these brands great, we are coming together to become the largest independent cider company in the U.S. While our passions and mission align, each brand offers consumers unique flavors, personalities, and complementary perspectives filtered through the lenses of their regions."

NOVEMBER 2, 2023 THURSDAY 10 PM - DATELINE DETROIT: USA TODAY IN SURPRISE UNPROVOKED MITTEN CREDIBILITY CRISIS

I wasn’t gonna say anything. Just let it go...there’s plenty of drama and confusion already...should I spill the beans? Actually, we did already spill the beans...just not on the main page.

So earlier we covered the USA TODAY TOP 10 HAUNTS IN THE USA poll, noting with glee that AZRA came in at #3. Last year in this same poll EREBUS came in at #2. We joked that, metaphorically, EREBUS WAS PASSING THE TORCH TO JUNIOR AZRA.

Cool, that’s that.

WAIT A SECOND - ALTERNATE FACTS ALERT

The big bad nationwide poll essentially says EREBUS & AZRA kick butt, and we agree.

So the “contest” is over, right?

There’s no more hidden votes, no hanging chads, no dead people voting, no space lasers from Venezuela, no jimmied software, no stolen election. 

While we appreciate that Michigan was again represented in this major poll, it only counts if it’s truly legitimate. So what would make a poll like this illegitimate?

How about if they then promoted a second contest for best haunts in the USA?

That’s exactly what they did. Here’s what’s been “hiding” in the News section:

OCTOBER 29, 2023 SUNDAY 3 PM - ANOTHER POLL FEATURING A MAJOR DETROIT HAUNT

Hmmm...I thought the Official USA TODAY haunt poll was a done deal, with AZRA CHAMBER OF HORRORS HAUNTED HOUSE in MADISON HEIGHTS taking 3rd place out of the Top Ten Haunts in the USA.

But wait a sec...here’s another USA TODAY haunt poll: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sponsor-story/queen-of-haunts/2023/10/26/top-10-terror-ific-haunted-attractions-nationwide-picked-by-the-queen-of-haunts/71317423007/?fbclid=IwAR1ZRe17mYTIPDGRApp6TrQKxkMGdj2k--c1I_AIAcISJqag5m5Ui0zqW_k

Wait a sec again...here’s some fine print I didn’t see at first: “This story is paid for by an advertiser. Members of the editorial and news staff of the USA Today Network were not involved in the creation of this content.”

Who the hell is the QUEEN OF HAUNTS? What makes her the big boss? Inquiring minds want to know. :)

NOVEMBER 2, 2023 THURSDAY 9:30 PM - TRAVEL TUNES

Part of the shared haunt experience is what music you listen to on the journey. Here’s two of our faves:

ATOMIC ROOSTER - IN HEARING OF https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwcXjToAXU0&t=905s

STEVE HILLAGE - GREEN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gPDGS1h0ZY&list=PLfGibfZATlGq_fC2N908nsGIuDvvD1mBR

This year on Halloween we listened to ATOMIC ROOSTER - IN HEARING OF. Check out the PSYCHEDELIC STEREO GUITAR intro on “HEAD IN THE SKY” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRYVDF9l0KA

NOVEMBER 2, 2023 THURSDAY 9 PM - CANDY FISHALOT’S AMAZING TRYST WITH DESTINY

CANDY is obsessed with the guitar player for MOLYBARON, and insists he couldn’t have a girlfriend as their video only has 50 views: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-dXvwV26O8

But thank goodness, she finally found another band besides MOLYBARON to obsess over, and it’s not even a band anymore.

Huh?

Earlier, we discussed how EREBUS became the FIRST DETROIT HAUNT TO USE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.

Well, now AI has been used to bring the dead back to life much like ZOMBIES AT DETROIT HAUNTS

being written - some of you can guess where this is going

THE FAB FOUR ARE BACK

That’s right, THE BEATLES have just released what’s being billed as THE LAST BEATLES SONG. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Opxhh9Oh3rg

All they had was a cassette demo, with John Lennon singing and playing the piano...and they couldn’t isolate his voice. Until AI came to the rescue, that is. And the rest is history!

NOVEMBER 2, 2023 THURSDAY 8 PM - HIGH FLYING VIDEO OF DETROIT HAUNT GOES VIRAL

Ok, maybe not exactly viral with 177 views as of today. But it’s way cool, and led them to make this dramatic claim:

The Greatest Haunted House Video of all Time!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKGiSQcj5I0

And yet another random garage haunt that rocks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFI-uHhon48&t=295s

NOVEMBER 2, 2023 THURSDAY 6:30 PM - GOOD TO THE LAST DROP / THE FAT LADY SINGS

It’s your last chance. Select haunts will be open this weekend, starting Friday Nov. 3, 2023: AZRA CHAMBER OF HORRORS, MADISON HEIGHTS, ELOISE ASYLUM, WESTLAND (Saturday Nov. 4 only), EREBUS, PONTIAC, FACTORY OF THE DEAD, SAGINAW, HUSH HAUNTED ATTRACTION, WESTLAND, NILES SCREAM PARK, NILES (BLACK OUT), THE HAUNT, GRAND RAPIDS (BLACK OUT), THE SCREAM MACHINE, TAYLOR.

Also of interest but not a haunted attraction per se: MOTOR CITY GHOSTS - from their website: WELCOME TO DETROIT'S #1 RATED GHOST TOUR

The automobile capital of the world bred the smooth sounds of Motown and the deafening screams of violence and death that still haunt Detroit, Michigan’s Murder City.

Boosted by Eminem and his stories of 8 Mile, the truth about this Metro city harbors a darker, more grim truth that’s created the terrifying hauntings of Motor City. Join Motor City Ghosts to hear the disturbing details of the tragedy and sinister acts that spawned a curse not even Houdini could escape.

https://usghostadventures.com/detroit/?utm_source=MichiganHauntedHouses.com&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=HauntedHouseMedia

ALSO - GRAND RAPIDS GHOSTS: https://usghostadventures.com/grand-rapids/?utm_source=MichiganHauntedHouses.com&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=HauntedHouseMedia

NOVEMBER 2, 2023 THURSDAY 6 PM - CANDY FISHALOT & FIN-TIN THE DIRT FACED CLOWN IN CLASSIFIED GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS FLAP

SHOCKING EXPOSE (loosely adapted from an old Dial-a-Trip episode written by Dale Bombast) being written in between bites of SUNNY SEA BRAND sardines in mustard sauce...

A bit of back-story first:

Poor FIN-TIN. He grew up in a broken family on the “wrong side of town.” His family and friends are long gone with two exceptions, his SHINY YELLOW TRICYCLE and the compassionate spunky CANDY FISHALOT who takes pity on the dejected clown.

He means well, but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Whenever he’s confused and doesn’t know what to say, he blurts out: “I’m FIN-TIN and my mommy dropped me on my head.”

Even the smallest of kind gestures brings overwhelming appreciation from FIN-TIN THE DIRT FACED CLOWN.

CANDY visits FIN-TIN every Wednesday, which was yesterday...

FEATHER ON HIS CAP

So FIN-TIN had just returned from a shopping trip to the grocery store, and he lit up with great pride exclaiming:

“I showed my ID to buy a loaf of bread!”

“Yer being’ stupid again, stop it Fin-Tin! You don’t need to show your ID to buy a loaf of bread.”

But that’s what the guy on TV said...the guy with the hair...”

“Don’t listen to him, Fin-Tin. He’s even dumber than you.”

“Really? You’re not just sayin’ that to make me feel better?”

“PINKY PROMISE! Now let’s make some sandwiches...I’ve got the bomb Halal beef bologna with olives from the SUPER GREENLAND MARKET in DEARBORN on FORD ROAD.”

Fin Tin is happy. Life is good.

 

 

Rest In Peace, Adam T. Ladd
June 19, 1974 - May 30, 2014

[Home] [Rating system] [Reviews] [What's next] [News] [Archives] [Awards] [not in FF/HG] [Wayne Cty] [Macomb Cty] [Oakland Cty] [Other MICH] [Ohio] [USA] [Canada] [Closed] [Contact] [Untitled109]